Creative Mommy's Creative Book

For the past two months, baby boy has been really into buckles and is always saying "I do it" or "I help". This made me think of making him a quiet book full of buckles, clasps, and snaps. I did some pinterest-ing to get some ideas and came across some really cute ideas.

I made the entire book out of felt and was planning to sew it but read that sewing felt is challenging but that hot glue works great. So I made the entire book out of felt, snaps, velcro, zippers, and hot glue! It turned out super cute if you ask me.

I didn't really like the idea of calling it a quiet book because my goal was not to keep my kids occupied and quiet. My goal was to encourage baby boy's mind and improve his fine motor skills with lot's of different closures. I opted not to call it a quiet book:

I found a great blog that actually had some free patterns to use with some super cute pages. This first page was made using one of her patterns. Check out Serving pink lemonade for other ideas! I love this page because the petals velcro to the page but can also be stored in the flower pot! Baby boy counted to 5 all on his own this morning so I'm hoping he shows some interest in this page soon!

The button page was free hand. Both kids have a hard time with this page as the buttons are very small. If I did it again I'd definitely get bigger buttons!

This is another favorite of mine and the pattern for the doll was also taken from Serving pink lemonade. Baby girl loves changing the clothes on this little girl. They all velcro on and she has pants, skirts, shirts, and dresses in an assortment of colors. The pink and purple boxes are a "dresser" for the girls clothes to be stored in when she isn't wearing them.

No book would be complete without a zipper page! Both kids enjoy zipping the zippers up and down over and over.

The overalls page was impromptu. I came up with this idea while looking for different clasps and buckles at the store. Jon actually gave me a pair of jeans to cut up to make the overalls but it didn't turn out as good as I had hoped. So far not much interest in this page from the kids.

The original buckle that started the idea of the whole book. I wanted to make a dog and use the buckle as his collar but every time I tried to cut a dog out of felt he looked like a blob of poop so I gave up and just made a basic page. It seems to be serving it's purpose as baby girl has spent quite some time on this page. Kids don't always need flare!

This is yet another page from Serving pink lemonade. The tennis racket strings help practice weaving. I knew this page was too advanced for my kids but I like the idea of having something they can grow into.

Before I wrote this post I thought I had come up with the majority of the pages but as I write this I realize I used a lot of ideas from Serving pink lemonade as this is another one from her page. She has the pattern available for free for the barn. The barn doors open but honestly the barn isn't too exciting.

But inside the barn are FARM animals and not just any farm animals but finger puppets. I didn't think my kids would like this page much because they are scared of puppets right now but the first day I showed them the book this was the only page they cared about. They took those finger puppets out, asked me to help them put each one on their little fingers and they ran around the house making the animals talk in a secret language! The animals even had an entire conversation with Maggie - I got a video of it and it's hilarious!

The finger puppets were such a big hit that I will likely be making more in the near future. I'm surprised they haven't fought over them since there are 3 but every time the book comes out, the cow goes to baby boy and baby girl gets the pig and chick. Every single time.

This was another page idea from Serving pink lemonade but she didn't have a pattern for it. When I free handed the tree I was pretty confident it wasn't going to turn out and I'd have to find another idea but this is my favorite page in the whole book!

You can change the seasons on the tree! The grass is a pocket that holds fall leaves, flowers for spring, summer leaves, and nothing for the winter! All of them snap onto the tree. The kids enjoy this page but need a lot of help with the snaps right now. I think another week or two and they'll have it down.

I love how the book turned out and it makes my heart smile so big when the kids pull it down off the shelf to play with it - mostly the finger puppets! The only downside to making it yourself and having so many pieces: You get paranoid when the kids are running around the house that some of the pieces are going to get lost! Such is life as a mom of twins!

Judge Rules: The foster parents are their "family"

I've been waiting for months to be able to write this update and now that it's here, I'm at a loss of words.

On August 13th, at 8:15 am I got a call from my husband. Not out of the normal so I didn't think anything of it. He asked me if I'd read my e-mail and I hadn't so I quickly opened it. I saw an e-mail from our lawyer that was the judge's ruling. I quickly flipped to the last page where the final ruling is made and read the following as tears flooded my eyes.

If I wasn't at work I would have squealed but instead I just kept saying how excited I was and we could finally move on and what a great judge we had through my tears of happiness. I was so excited and wanted to shout and scream to the world all the happiness that was in my heart. We are really going to get to stay a family! After I hung up with Jon, I just started mass texting family and friends. Honestly I have no idea how many text messages I sent and how many phone calls I received, my phone was buzzing all morning. I ran around the office telling coworkers. I was useless at work while I responded to text messages and answered phone calls - which just left me in tears of happiness over and over again and I received texts full of emotions of excitement from our family and friends.

I was so excited that I have to share this story of just how high on happiness I was. One of my employees went to the urgent care about an hour after I found out the news. Five minutes after talking to my employee, another coworker asks me if everything is all right. I respond very brightly "Yes, everything is fantastic!". She asks me about my employee stating she overheard that she wasn't feeling good. Oops - in 5 minutes I had already forgotten about my employee and was back in my own head celebrating our family. My coworker hadn't heard the news yet so once I explained to her, she understood. 

The judge took 6 days to rule. He was allowed 60 and he took 6. We'd heard over and over what a great judge he is but that proves it for me. He knew how important it was to make this decision and allow the kids to gain permanency and move on with their lives. After months of delays - he finally made the difficult decision. By difficult, I mean it's difficult in the eyes of the court system. He was presented with two equally fit families that want to adopt these beautiful children. This situation doesn't present itself often in the DES system. Sad I know but all too true, in fact they more often see kid's that have no permanency option and my kids had 2! To the judge, that's amazing and awful. Amazing because these kids will be loved either way but awful because who would want to make that decision?

His ruling severed birth mom's rights in the first sentence of the minutes. The next 3 pages discuss placement of the children and it was very well written.

He continues...

Although I already knew we were their family, it was nice of the state of Arizona to catch up.

Every other blog I read about foster care talks about the loss that occurs when permanency is decided. Every other blog talks about how the foster mom feels for the birth mom because of her loss once severance occurs. I didn't have any of those emotions when I heard the news. Maybe I'm heartless. Maybe I'm an awful person. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I had already given all my compassion to her and this was my family's moment. I think I'll go with the latter. In my mind, this allows me to move forward with my family, now the unknown won't threaten us and give us frustration and anger. Now when my kid's ask about their birth mom, I can talk in a positive light because I know my kids are safe.

The day after the news I spent my time writing lists of all the things Jon and I had said at one time or another "that's something we'll need to decide on once we adopt". Well now's the time!

• First Names
• Middle Names
• College savings accounts
• Make a will
• Adoption party planning! (Clear your calendar when we have a date - this is going to be a big party!)
• Adoption photo shoot
• Life Insurance changes
• Jon's full family photos
• Tina's full family photos

What else am I missing? I know there's more but most of it I can't start on until everything is finalized. 

You might be thinking, what are the next steps? Well we happened to ask our lawyer that exact question.

1. Wait 15 days for the appeal time. If an appeal is file, this will delay things at least a month.
2. After the appeal time is over or the appeal is lost, the kids will be free for adoption
3. File adoption paperwork
4. Adoption hearing in 2-3 months

The most important sentence of the lawyers e-mail "It should be done before 2016!"

That would make our year!

Court appearance #14 - Severance Trial

I knew today would be tough. Being a mom, it's hard to imagine sitting in a court room full of judgement while people tell me why I'm unfit to be the mother of my own kid's. I try my hardest to put myself in her shoes as the thought of losing the children I have raised devastates me every time I think about it so the pure thought of someone telling me that I am unfit - that would be tough and my heart goes out to her.

About a week after the last court hearing visits with birth mom kept getting canceled. It seemed odd to me that a couple weeks out from a severance trial you'd be missing visits but everything in this cases is opposite of what I'd expect so I tried not to read into it.

Last week the DCS case manager did her monthly visit and authorizes me to cut the kid's hair as she hasn't been able to get a hold of birth mom for some time now. Going into today I was confident birth mom would be in attendance as she has never missed a court hearing. She refused to attend today. The court decides to proceed with the severance trial as a fallback in case birth mom didn't attend for a legitimate reason (i.e. sick in the hospital, etc.). This is an actual trial, witness' are called to testify and questioned by the defense, GAL (kid's lawyer), and the state (DCS). We learned some very interesting things about the case that I wish I could share. In the middle of the severance trial we find out that birth mom has decided to stop contesting her severance. Basically she is throwing in the towel - for some reason trial continues. We later learn this is because birth mom could change her mind tomorrow so they might as well have all the evidence documented since everyone already cleared their schedules. After the questioning ends the discussion moves into placement discussions - placement means should the kids be with us or with the maternal uncle. This is not the purpose of the hearing and should not be discussed but the judge decides for whatever reason to allow it. At the end of the day the judge has 2 separate, independent decisions to make.

1. Severance or termination of birth mom's rights
2. Placement: would it be in the kid's best interest to be with maternal uncle or us

I truly believe we have a good judge. He was previously a lawyer and has been a part of the judicial system for over 35 years. In the court room he very clearly states what has occurred and how he is going to move forward and he doesn't seem to get confused by all the lawyer jargon (i.e. sometimes lies). He very directly stated that the placement decision will be extremely difficult and he cannot win and he cannot lose. He continued with "I can't lose because both families are good permanency options, I can't win because someone will be devastated by my decision." Fair, I can't be angry. The judge then directly addressed Jon and I stating he has had to put 15 year old's in jail for 15+ years and dealt with life sentences and this decision bears the same weight as those. I don't envy him. Although I'd be able to make the decision in less than a second, some people might say I'm biased. From his stand point, this is difficult and it's not often kids in DCS custody have 2 permanency options. In that regard, my kids are lucky.

As the judge addressed us I felt my eyes watering. I don't think I've mentioned this before but I go into every court hearing with a straight face, no emotions, I refuse to picture my children in my head as I want to appear strong and my kids bring on the emotions. This is the first time I couldn't hold it back. As the judge talked to us directly and I started realizing decisions are going to be made, I couldn't keep that straight face. It irritated me as I didn't want the judge to think I was putting on some show to influence him but it was not a show, it was 23 months of emotions realizing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That light may be a train about to run me over or the beautiful sun shining on the other side of the longest tunnel of my life. 

I did hold it mostly together in court but within seconds of exiting that building the tears started falling. Nothing changed today except I know that a decision about my children's future will be made within 60 days. Talking to my sister she helped me realize, it's the definitive date that is causing all the emotions. By October 8th a decision will be made about my children's living arrangements, their place to eat, their daycare, their friends, the state they reside in, their grandparents, their family, their beds, their identity. It could be earlier but it will be no later than October 8th. That is scary and wonderful at the same time.

Please pray for our judge to review all the relevant information and make his decision based on the best interest of our children.

Playing in Payson

I think we've started a Lyons' family tradition - 4th of July camping! If you don't remember, we took the kids camping at 10 months old last year Colorado Camping Craziness. Luckily I took some pointers from last year and only went an hour and a half out of town - far enough to cool off a bit but close enough that we didn't go crazy in the car ride. Payson was the perfect break from life that our family needed.

Last time we went out of town the kids did not sleep well and they have pretty much outgrown their pack'n'plays. We weren't sure how the sleeping situation was going to work but realized the kids sleep on cots at daycare so why not try that? On Monday we found relatively cheap cots on Amazon so we ordered one in blue and one in pink. 

 
By Thursday we still didn't have the cots even though they were shipped using Amazon Prime.

Friday morning rolls around and still no cots. I'm feeding the kids when Jon walks out of the bedroom and tells me he knows what truck the cots are in and he's off to catch the postwoman. He returns about 15 minutes later with 2 cots in hand - success.

We pack the minivan and are on the road right on schedule - 9am! We get to Payson and pull into Houston Mesa campground a little after Lisa and Ryan. Our campground is perfect! It's down a dirt path and tucked in, surrounded by trees so you can't even see your neighbor! Baby Audrey is happily playing on a blanket and my kids each go over and say hi to her. It was adorable.

We were even more excited when we learned we were at one of the only campgrounds that allowed campfires - more success! Camp was quickly set up and we just let the kids wander around, play in the dirt, throw balls in the bushes - you know the normal outdoorsy kid things. 

Lisa & Audrey

Me with a s'more

That evening we helped the kids cooks s'mores - I have the most adorable picture of the two of them with their marshmallow roasters. Baby boy was more interested in cooking the marshmallow than eating it and baby girl was more interested in eating it than cooking it. 

After the kids went to bed, we made some adult beverages and had a ladder ball competition by the campfire. Jon and Ryan played first and Ryan won. Then Lisa and I played and I won. We had to determine a winner so Ryan and I played and I won. I was winner of the campsite! I'm awful at ladder ball but apparently in the dark when we are camping, I do really well!

Saturday we attempted to go on a hike but were stuck behind a Payson 4th of July Parade which consisted of golf carts decorated in red, white, and blue, American flags, and other 4th of July decorations. It was pretty comical - small towns are more excited about being in the parade than people watching it - I think the whole town was in the parade! After the delay, we finally arrived at the hiking spot. We got out of the minivan and at least 5 bee's flew straight into the car. I had Audrey in my arms, grabbed one of my children and ran. Lisa got out and ran too. We closed the minivan and proceeded to decide what to do. We were informed there were bees on the trail and as we stood there deciding what to do, Ryan got stung. That was the deciding factor, we were not hiking with bees especially since we have no idea if any of the kids have allergies. We sent Jon back to the minivan to drive it down the road and get the bee's out before we got in with the kids. He did a fantastic job, it only took 3 times of opening doors, throwing a child in and quickly closing the door before we got everyone in with no bees! Audrey might have sat on Jon's lap in the driver's seat during the shenanigans - she thought that was pretty exciting! 

That afternoon we hiked on a nature trail at the campground and then Lisa and I pushed 3 umbrella stroller's with all the kids in them around the campground for over an hour. It was the only way they would sleep as the tent was pretty hot during the day.

Sunday we took our time packing up, Jon took the kids to the airport that was close by since baby boy loves planes. Then we grabbed lunch at a delicious Mexican food restaurant before heading home. If you are ever in Payson try Sal & Teresa's Mexican Restaurant - it was well worth it. 

It was a fantastic weekend with family - a tradition worth keeping!

Lisa, Ryan, and Audrey

Me and my sister

Change in physical custody - denied

We would like to say thank you to everyone who thought about us today, prayed about us today, asked their family and friends that don't even know our family to pray and think about us today. There have been numerous tears over the amount of support and love we have received in the last 24 hours, it is absolutely amazing. In fact, we were so touched by the support we received that we wanted to share it with everyone - the purple states represent love, thoughts, and prayers that were received today. If I missed a state, please let me know!

Today didn't go as expected but then again, nothing in this case has. I expected 1 of 3 outcomes to occur today:

1. The judge would decide family is best and the kids would go to the maternal uncle today.
2. The judge would agree with the psychologist conclusions and leave the children in our care.
3. The judge would decide family is best but take the psychologist recommendations to transition the children slowly over the next 3-4 months.

More or less, #2 occurred. Long story short, the state rescinded their motion to move the kids but birth mom's lawyer still asked the kid's be moved asap. The judge denied that motion stating there was no reason to relocate the kids when the severance trail was right around the corner. He also stated he would have another trial regarding placement of the children pending the outcome of the severance trial. Partial win for the children.

What I definitely didn't expect was for the department to request  a continuance for birth mom's severance trial. Basically they thought there was more evidence they needed in addition to adding reasons to their basis for severance. They added something called 15 months in care which means the kids have been in care for so long there's no reason to continue working on reunification. The kid's lawyer objected to the continuance stating the kids need permanency. Unfortunately, the judge granted the state's motion and the severance trial was pushed to August 7th. The judge has 60 days to make a decision on the severance trial so now we are looking at early October. 

I'm not sure I've completely digested court today. Jon and I were ridiculed and degraded in court today. We were told that someone needs to remind us that we are just a "temporary" placement for these children and we have just "fallen in love with these cute children". I know that foster care is considered temporary but my definition of temporary is 1 year or less. I've been a mom for 22 months today. That's not temporary if you ask me so someone else screwed up, not me. Have I fallen in love with these cute children? The answer is obviously yes. I've fallen in love with them because I got up 4-6 times a night to feed them and then proceeded to go to work the next morning and somehow managed to work so hard I got promoted. I've fallen in love with them because I watched them learn to hold their bottles, roll over, learn to crawl, pull themselves up and start a wobbly walk. I've fallen in love with them because I've seen them progress from signing "milk", "more", and "please" to putting together 4 word sentences. They have taught me to remember the simple things in life - laughing, running, playing, and enjoying each other is simply enough to make you fall in love. I know I haven't completely digested everything as we left court, changed clothes and picked up our little ones as the minute we walked into that daycare I was distracted by my children's smiles and adorable runs to give me and Jon the biggest hugs. Someday's I wonder what I did to deserve to be dragged through this court process but the minute I see those children I wonder what I did right to be able to be loved so unconditionally by them. 

The battle is not over but we have definitely moved forward. We ask you continue to hold our family in your thoughts and prayers. 

We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

The rollercoaster continues

Last Wednesday I received an unexpected, very upsetting phone call from our newest case manager. She informed me that the interstate compact had been approved and the children's uncle was willing to come get the children this weekend. She stated CPS would be filing a change in physical custody so he could move the children prior to his 3 week work trip. I was devastated. I called the children's lawyer and told her what was going on and my concerns about this move.

• Baby girl got tubes put in her ears less than a week ago. Her follow up appointment is scheduled in another week to see if she can pass hearing exams. I requested the GAL (kid's lawyer) make sure the uncle gets her to an ENT doctor for a follow up in case they do move the kids this quickly.
• Baby girl had thrown up numerous times that day and we had not yet determined if it was related to the ear surgery or not.
• Uprooting the kids from everything they know in order to have the Uncle out of town for 3 weeks after they move to another state. In foster parent training you learn about the "honeymoon stage" when kids are disrupted. Basically the kids are angels in the beginning because they don't know what else to do. Once they realize the situation isn't changing, they start reacting to it. Right when they start reacting to it, the Uncle will be gone - who will help them through this transition?
• The uncle has shown little to no interest in the kids. He has visited with the children once for 2 hours in the last year and a half.

She was also disturbed by the the news and hadn't heard anything prior to my phone call. That night she e-mailed the Assistant Attorney General (The state's lawyer) stating that she would be objecting if they filed the change in physical custody. On Thursday it was filed. Scared the children would be leaving that weekend we called an impromptu party with our families to celebrate our children. Jon's parents were amazing and quickly threw together a dinner for both our families. 

By Thursday night I had heard the kids would not be leaving this weekend due to the objection from the GAL. This was good however they were having an urgent hearing sometime next week to decide if the kids should move. 

Jon and I reached out to family and friends asking for prayers as we were unsure what would happen in court. 

The response we received was absolutely breath taking. Everyone's prayers were heard, court went as well as we could have hoped. To begin with, the judge stated that it was completely inappropriate to try to move the kids so quickly and abruptly. The GAL requested a best interest assessment which the judge agreed to and is now court ordered. The main question the court has for a psychologist, simply put is which option is in the kids best interest-

A: To leave them in the current situation which is not family; but also the only situation they have known.
B:To disrupt the kids from their current and consistent situation; due to the belief that family (blood) is best.

The judge stated that she believes both families are most likely very loving and safe, and that it isn't a matter of which family is better, but which situation will allow the kids to thrive the most.

Basically the kids will stay in our care at least until the best interest assessment is done. So we can finally take a much needed deep breath and a short sigh of relief. Please continue to keep our kids in your thoughts and prayers. Again, thank you everyone for all of your support, it is uplifting to know how strong our family is and how many people love our little ones.

In super exciting news, baby girl has become extremely interested in the potty in the last 3 weeks. She regularly wants to sit on the potty, never did anything just sat and giggled on the potty. This past Sunday she came up to Jon and said "I potty". Jon rushed her to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. I ran in behind him and she actually went pee! We were at Aunt Becca's house and all the aunt's and uncles came running in to give her high fives! Then two days later she tells me she has to potty so I rush her to her potty and she goes poop! Again she got lot's of praise and high fives. We are so proud and lucky to have a little girl who seems to be potty training herself! We are going to keep encouraging her and we'll see where this goes!

Both kids are talking so much, everyday I feel like they say a new word to surprise me or they follow an instruction they hadn't previously understood. There is something about watching a child learn and put things together that is just pure. Every morning I look forward to the giggles and every evening I look forward to discovering what they learned about the world today that I learned many years ago but seem to have forgotten just how amazing it is.

Thank you for all your love and support throughout the past 19 months. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as the state hopefully comes to the conclusion that we already have, this is our family; blood or not; we are happy.

Stranger Danger

Birth mom has not had a visit with her kids since October. On Friday I had a missed call at 5:15pm from our new case worker. I have never met her and my first call from her states the kids are having a visit on Monday from 1-3pm. Her case aide will pick the children up and supervise the visit. 

You'd think I'd be used to this by now and be over it but I'm not. Don't you think you'd want to talk to the foster parents first before just setting up a visit? You are new on the case and have no idea what is going on, such as the kids nap at daycare from 12-2. So they are going to get picked up at 12:30ish, go on a visit for 2 hours, come back to daycare and not get a nap. Thank you CPS for making my daycare frustrated and angry. Thank you CPS for ruining any sort of schedule my kids had - any study you read says kids need structure in order to grow up healthy and happy. In fact, my foster parent training and guides provided by the state talk about providing structure in your foster home. Thank you CPS for most likely testing my patience tonight with my kids as they will be extremely tired and cranky and won't want to eat dinner and won't want to take baths because they are too tired to function. I'm already angry with all of that but I think I've kept my composure all weekend in order to continue providing that happy, healthy home to these beautiful children and then on Monday at 12:30pm I get a phone call from the case aide.

"Hi, my name is ___ and I'm picking up your foster kids today, can you tell me their names?" With all my heart I wanted to say yes, their names are Jane and John Doe because that's what that question deserves as an answer. She then continued with "Okay, thanks I think that's all I need" I responded stating she can just go into the Toddler Room and sign them out, the daycare girls are aware the kids have a visit today. She responds with "Toddler room? How old are the kids?" Again, I wanted to say oh they are 8 and 9.....they are in the TODDLER ROOM so somewhere between 1 and 3. How in your right mind is it your job to pick up a child, supervise the visit, and then return the child? You don't even know the child's name or their age? Do you have the appropriate carseat? Do you know they are twins so you actually need 2 carseats of the same kind? How as a parent am I supposed to feel comfortable with this woman going to my daycare, picking up my children, and supervising a visit when she can't even figure out their names.

As my kids are getting older, we are learning more and more about parenting and I'm starting to think about how baby girl says "hi" and waves to just about everyone she see's and meets. Very cute but at the same time, a little worrisome. In my head I start thinking about teaching her about strangers and how she is to never go anywhere with a stranger but then I remember that about every 6 months a new CPS stranger picks her up to take her to her visits. How am I supposed to explain that one? "Okay baby girl, you are never to go anywhere with a stranger because they might be dangerous. However, if a stranger comes to daycare to get you, that's okay, just ask for their CPS badge to make sure they are legit." Please tell me how to explain this situation to a toddler. Please tell me how to properly parent as a foster mom. 

I really need to find a foster to adopt parent support group so I can see how other foster mom's have dealt with all of this. Each day seems to be getting more and more difficult for us to handle as we realize we still have such a long journey that still could end childless. The kids are bonding more and more to us and our family everyday, I just don't know how to explain this to them so they are prepared in case they are sent somewhere else. How do you prepare a toddler for that? Where is their lawyer? Isn't she supposed to be fighting for them? For their stability? For their happiness?

I am ready to fight the system but I am not sure where to start. If anyone has any ideas or any contacts, please let me know. The Arizona CPS system is very messed up right now and it needs to change.

UPDATE (2/10/15):
When I picked up the kids from daycare yesterday evening I was told by the daycare that the case aide showed up without car seats. My daycare obviously did not let her take the kids so she left and returned with 2 car seats.....uninstalled. She did not know how to install the car seats in her vehicle and requested the daycare to assist her. They did, then she requested they assist her with properly securing the children in the car seats. I was livid to say the least when I was told this story. It is absolutely unacceptable for a Department of CHILD SAFETY employee whom transports children to not know how to install a car seat in her vehicle. I have already sent an e-mail complaint to my case manager along with her supervisor. I have also already obtained a formal grievance and plan to have one filed by the end of the day. I will also be taking a form to my daycare and requesting they file a grievance as well. I do not take my children's safety lightly and I wouldn't think the state would either. I let my agency know the situation and she agreed with how I was handling it but also stated this isn't the first time this has happened to her foster families. That just further made me want to fight the system - something is severely wrong in Arizona's foster care system.