We made it to the 2nd Month!

Things in the Lyons household have been just as busy and crazy as ever in the last month!

The big news of the last month is that I attended the parents court hearing where they were contesting if CPS had probable cause to take their kids or not. We don't have to attend court but it is open to the foster parents. We learned in PS MAPPS (Yes - some things have proven to be beneficial!) that the best way to get information on your case is to go to court. If it was determined that CPS didn't have probable cause the kids would go home the very same day which also happened to be the day before they could start daycare. I am glad I went because I learned tons of information on this case! Needless to say, we still have the twins. It was determined that CPS did have probable cause but perhaps CPS didn't try hard enough to place the twins with relatives. So for the past month we've just been waiting as it's possible they could be placed with grandparents, siblings, etc. at anytime.

The second biggest news of the past month is the excitement of starting daycare! We no longer have to depend on family to help us every single day. (A HUGE thank you to all those that helped us survive the first 5 weeks AND more or less still let us make it to work) Within about 9 days of starting daycare baby boy caught a cold. Of course he caught it while Jon and I were on our first getaway and we had family watching them (Thanks Lisa, Ryan, & Kris).

We have also been to the doctor twice in the last month. The first time was for baby girl as she had been throwing her food up for a day and had a bad diaper rash. We also took her because we got a note from birth mom telling us how bad the diaper rash was and that we should be using diaper rash cream (we had been) and that birth mom was very concerned about baby girl. The doctor determined it was just a GI bug and as long as she was staying hydrated, he wasn't too concerned. The second visit was due to another note from birth mom along with a call from the CPS case aide telling us that baby boy was fighting to breath and I needed to take him to the doctor right away. I won't get into how angry I was at this phone call but basically my thought was if he's fighting to breath then maybe you should take him to the ER because by the time I get an appointment, he'll be dead. Needless to say, I'm a rule follower and I took baby boy to the doctor that same day. Birth mom never showed even though she had the same amount of notice I did. The doctor confirmed baby boy had a head cold and there wasn't much we could do for him as long as he was still eating.

MILESTONES:

• The very exciting milestone of this month is we are getting smiles from both babies and not just gas smiles, real smiles in response to our smiles! 
• They are both able to hold their heads on their own now (most of the time)
• Baby girl likes when Jon plays with her bottom lip
• We've also hit some milestones with Miss Maggie as she has started giving the babies lot's of kisses. Baby girl has decided she likes Miss Maggie's kisses and proceeds to open her mouth for some french kisses! Baby boy does not like Miss Maggie's kisses and turns his head away which only makes Maggie try harder!
• First 5k
• First time at the zoo
• First sleepover at Grandma Shantz's house
• First Halloween

For their first Halloween we dressed them up as Thing 1 and Thing 2 as would only be appropriate given our baby room theme and the fact that we have twins. Sorry I can't share all the adorable pictures but here's what their outfits looked like!

Month 2 is behind us....let's see what month 3 has in store for us!

PS MAPP 10: Endings & Beginnings

Technically our last PS MAPP course! *Commence all the cheering and applause* We actually made it through!! I say technically our last because we still have to attend class next Tuesday in order to graduate. It's a class called Med Admin.

This class started with a woman from the agency who explained how the foster care placement process works. Basically there are 2 types of placement:

1. Emergency/immediate
2. Regular

With emergency the child is in need of a safe home right now. We will receive a phone call from our agency asking if we are willing to accept the placement. They will know only basic details: age, gender, ethnicity, etc. If we accept, they will submit us to CPS. CPS will receive families from numerous agencies. If they pick us, we will receive a phone call from the CPS Shelter Coordinator who will notify us that we will be receiving a child/children. Then we'll get a call from the CPS Case Manager that will schedule a time to pick up the child/children. 

The most interesting thing about this is you cannot check with your spouse before accepting an emergency placement. There is not enough time for it so whomever answers the phone has to make a wise decision.

Regular placement occurs when there were no foster homes available on the day the child was removed and so they were placed in a group home or shelter. If a child matches our specifications then an initial meeting is set up with the child, us, and the CPS case manager. If the meeting goes well, then we set up a day visit where the child can come to our home or go out for an activity. If the day visit goes well, then we can schedule an overnight visit. There are generally only 3 visits prior to placement. Children in regular placement tend to be older than age 6 so we will most likely be in the emergency situation.

Next we did a few activities regarding shared parenting and then we quickly moved onto the end of PS MAPP's and the Next Steps we have to take.

While going through this 4 page document, I quickly became overwhelmed. Here is a quick overview of it:

• Once all your completed paperwork is turned in, all of the references are received, fingerprint and CPS checks have cleared, and your packet is complete, you will be assigned a licensing worker. (We still need our CPR/First Aid Certification which is scheduled for this Saturday)
• Your licensing worker will contact you to set up a meeting to complete your home study. This interview process takes approximately 4 hours to complete!
• The home study must be completed within 30 days of class ending.
• The state licensing department has 60 days to approve or deny our license.
• At a minimum you must have a bed and dresser for the number of children you are seeking, prior to licensing.
• It is a good idea to have items on hand that you may need in the first month. (For us this is a crib, car seat, formula, couple of sizes of clothes, etc."
• You will need to have a couple of day cares selected as you can receive a placement within a day of being added to the available bed resource list.
• You are required to keep a file folder for each child that is placed in your home. This will be checked by your licensing worker on a regular basis.
• You will need to log all contact on the contact log, this will be checked during monthly visits. 
• On a quarterly basis your worker will be checking the Life book for each child and checking your medication storage.

It's crazy to think that in about 2 months we could be fully licensed and potentially have children in our home! I definitely do not feel ready especially considering we don't have anywhere for them to currently sleep, no car seat, no clothes, no baby food...pretty much we have 1 book, 1 bottle, and Cat in the Hat with Thing 1 & Thing 2 that need to get on the walls! We have a lot to do!

Steven Part 2

Envelope #2: Second day after placement

During the comprehensive developmental exam, the doctor has concerns about Steven's developmental delays and recommends that he be evaluated for services through the Arizona Early Intervention Program. The pediatrician also wants Steven to have an extensive eye examination by a Pediatric Ophthalmologist and would like the exam completed this week.

At 5:00pm today, you have the introductory meeting with Sara Smith (Steven's mom). During the meeting you each share information and learn about each other. It is apparent that Sara is angry at CPS and desperately wants to have her child returned to her care. Sara is courteous with you because you are caring for her son although she seems scared of your motives and fears she will never get her son back. She did provide you with an abundance of information so you can care for her child as she would. The first parental visit is set for tomorrow at 5:00pm.

1. How do you feel after meeting Sara?
• Surprisingly positive because she is working with us, sharing information, and doing what's best for Steven.
2. What are the benefits of this type of meeting when a child is first placed in your home?
3. How do you prepare Steven for his parental visit?
4. Who is responsible for transporting Steven to the visit?
• CPS and the foster parents but primarily the foster parents.

Envelope #3: Third day after placement

The CPS Case Manager reports all went well with Steven's visit with mom. He was so excited to see her that he clung to her leg when informed that mom needed to leave. Mom bought him a new teddy bear to sleep with and a new blanket to carry around that he brought to your home when he returned from the visit.

While the case manager is there she asks to see your home. You give her a tour. In Steven's bedroom she checks on his bedding and opens the closet and dresser drawers. Then in the kitchen she opens the cupboards and checks the refrigerator.

Once the case manager left your home, Steven begins to act our. He is screaming, crying and running around having a tantrum. He continues to be inconsolable after using every technique you know.

Steven, in anger and frustration, grabs something very special to you. The piece has great sentimental value and is irreplaceable. It falls to the floor and breaks.

After Steven has cried himself to exhaustion, you tuck him into bed for the evening. You finally can take a breath.

1. What is your immediate reaction to the loss of this item?
• Anger. I would need to take a deep breath before I react.
2. How do you handle Steven's behavior?
• Timeout for 2 minutes in order to help him calm down. Talk to him about what happened at his visit and why he is feeling the way he is. Explain to him that is behavior is unacceptable.
3. How do you feel about this outburst?
4. If it continues how will you deal with such incidents in the future?
5. What do you think of the actions of the CPS Case Manager while in your home?
• Intrusive and frustrating but at the same time we understand that it's in the best interest of the children.

Envelope #4: Ninety days after placement

This evening while you are fixing dinner one of your children and a friend are playing their favorite video game in the next groom. Steven enters the room where the children are playing and says, "mine...froggy game...now". Your child pauses the game and tells Steven that as soon as they are done with this game, he will put on the froggy game and play with him. Steven does not want to wait and goes over to the game system and pulls it onto the floor, it is attached to the tv and the tv falls to the floor. The TV has hit Steven in the head and he is now bleeding. Steven is crying and still yelling that he wants to play the game.

After you remove Steven from the area and attend to his wounds you believe that he needs stitches.

1. Where do you go to seek medical attention?
• If only stitches are required, we can only go to an urgent care.
2. Who do you notify and how do you document it?
• CPS must be notified within 2 hours. We will have to file a significant incident report.
3. What are you going to do about Steven's actions?
• No TV & video games. Explain the reason these items are being taken away and begin working on his patience and sharing.
4. What assistance might you have with the property damage?
• We can file a claim with the Provider Indemnity Program. 
5. How do you feel right now about your decision to bring Steven into your home?

Envelope #5: Six months after placement

This morning you take Steven to Target to get some more clothes. Once inside, Steven yells his mom's name and runs to his mother. He is not going to leave her side.

Later in the day, Steven is quietly playing with building blocks on the living room floor. You step away to use the restroom. When you re-enter the living room, Steven is no where in sight and the front door is open. You rush outside and yell his name; frantically you search everywhere for him. You are unable to find him.

Thankfully, Steven was found by the police. He had run after a dog that was in the front yard. The police found him six blocks away from your home.

1. How do you handle the situation in Target?
• Say hi, talk for a few minutes. Explain to Steven that we only have a few minutes but he'll see his mom again on the specific date of the next visit.
2. How do you feel about the situation in Target?
• Awkward and uncomfortable
3. What reports do you need to file after the runaway incident?

Congratulations, you have just completed a simulation of your life with a foster child in your home!

1. How do you feel?
2. What type of impact has this experience had on you and your family?
3. Did anything have to change with Steven entering your family?
• Yes, work schedules, patience level had to increase, our roles within the house changed

Meet Steven

You receive a phone call from your licensing agency at 3:00 am stating the following: 

• Steven is 2 and a half years old and was removed during a police raid of the home, Methamphetamine's were found to be cooking in the trunk of the family's only vehicle. Mom, Sara Smith, had called the police to inform them of the operation. Mom stated she was in fear for her life and that of her child because the boyfriend beats them both. The police were able to confirm signs of domestic violence. The boyfriend was arrested for the manufacturing of meth and possession with intent to sell. Mom was released and placed in a shelter. Steven was placed in the care of CPS until his safety in the care of his mother could be assessed. CPS is concerned that Steven's mom stayed in the home after she knew about the meth operation. There were additional concerns as to whether or not she would bail out her boyfriend.
• The police warrant was served at 11:00 pm and Steven was sleeping in the home when the police arrived. Steven underwent all the necessary precautions to safety remove him since he was believed to have been exposed to toxic, active chemical agents. He was then taken to Hope Hospital for an intital medical examination and toxicology testing. His clothing was taken due to a chemical smell and he was given a shower to remove any trace chemicals. Steven was released with instructions that he was to have a comprehensive medical examination from a pediatrician within the next two days.
• Steven is an only child.
• Mom reports she is unsure of whom the child's father is, she has no family living in the state and has no friends, neighbors, or co-workers who can care for Steven.
• Three months ago, Mom relocated to the area with her boyfriend of one year. They had been living 250 miles away in another part of Arizona.
• Mom reports that Steven has no known medical issues. He is a loving and obedient child who is very attached to her. No other information was able to be gathered since the Mom was ushered away to the hospital for an evaluation and then taken to a shelter.
• The child has only the clothes on his back due to the possibility of chemical contamination from the meth production. The clothes were provided by CPS.

Even though there is very little information known about this child, you and your family decide you are willing to make a commitment to this child and to provide a stable and nurturing home while he is out-of-home foster care. Steven arrives at your home at 5:00 am.

1. What do you need for Steven?
2. You need to schedule Steven's medical exam. What proof of insurance do you have?
3. Who will take Steven to the medical examination?
4. Who can sign the forms?
• We can for the initial exam and routine care.
5. How do you get the examination paid for?
• We sign them "Tina Lyons for DES/CMDP" in order to not be liable for payment.
6. What do you want to learn from Steven's mom at the ice breaker meeting?
7. How are you feeling about this day?
• Nervous, excited, scared, sympathetic & sad for Steven, overwhelmed

Get a good night's sleep and get ready for tomorrow's envelope!

PS MAPP 9: Teamwork & Partnership

This class had so much potential. Last week we were told we'd have a panel at the beginning of this class that would have resource (foster care) parents, community resources, and adopted kids. We were going to be able to ask questions but we should be mindful of their situation and only ask respectful questions (obviously!). 

For the first hour, the panel consisted of a woman from the Department of Health Services, a man from a foster readiness/permanency program (this program is ending soon), a kinship licensing woman,  and an HCTC (Home Care Training to the Home Care Client) parent. HCTC is for children with extreme behavior issues. The first hour was pre-approved questions that were pretty dry and irrelevant to our situation. After that a resource parent arrived. She has 7 kids in her home, 5 have been adopted. She was very helpful, honest, and realistic. I took away 2 things from her:

1. Have a family album ready to go and give it to the child when you pick them up and are taking them home for the first time. That way they can look through the album and see both of us, our house, Maggie, our siblings, our parents, our niece and nephews, activities we enjoy doing, etc. She said it is very helpful especially for younger kids because they are so scared at first. 
2. Always ask the GAL (Child's lawyer) when the court date is and attend. Apparently that is the only way you are going to get the full story.

The rest of the class we discussed the different team members systems we will be working with and the problems we might have with them. We broke into groups and each received a system to discuss what roles we have with that system, any problems we might encounter, ways to solve the problems, and who we could reach out to.

The last topic of the night was abuse. As resource parents, Jon and I are both mandated reporters. As resource parents we have a 1 in 2 chance of being accused of child abuse. That is a 50/50 chance! This part scared me quite a bit, I can't imagine being accused of child abuse or going through the investigations required when I know I didn't do anything. The goal of this part of the class was to make us aware that it occurs, why it occurs, and how to deal with it when it occurs. We are to keep our perspective, be honest, cooperate, document everything, ask questions, and get support. 

Our homework for this week sounds interesting and for the first time, a little more realistic than the previous assignments. This week we were given 6 envelopes. The first envelope has a child's name. We are to open the first envelope the day after class (That's today, Wednesday). Then we open an envelope each day after that in numerical order and complete the assignment based on the situation that has occurred. They seemed to also give us a case that was within the age range we are looking to foster/adopt. Our child's name is Steven. 

I'll do my best to give a daily update on each envelope so you can join us on our mini journey! We haven't read today's envelope yet so look for an update tomorrow!

PS MAPP 7 & 8 & Home Safety Inspection

Again we are playing catch up - we were out of town for Memorial Day, preparing for our home safety inspection, and working long hours. If we think we are busy now, I can only imagine how crazy life will be once we have 1 or 2 little ones to keep track of also. Google calendar is going to be an essential in the Lyons household.

PS MAPP 7: Helping Children Leave Foster Care

This class was about disruptions, dissolution, and transitioning the child from foster care. The main goal of foster care is reunification with the birth parents so we discussed how to help the child have a successful transition through communication, thoroughly explaining things to the child, helping the child prepare, updating the child's Life Book, and honoring and celebrating going home.

The most interesting discussions of this class related to disruptions and dissolutions and how to identify the signs of a disruptions in order to fix it and move forward.

Disruption: an unplanned move from one foster or adoptive home to another out-of-home situation

Dissolution: the legal act of ending an adoption, much like a divorce in marriage (Yes, this does happen and yes, we were flabbergasted that this was even an option!)

 The stages of disruption are very similar to the stages that lead to a divorce:

1. Diminishing Pleasure: In the early months when the negatives beginning outweighing the positives

2. Child is seen as blame for all

3. Talking to friends and family begins increasing the bad feelings

4. A critical incident occurs that is almost the last straw

5. A timeframe is set for improvement or a threat is given "One more time..."

6. The child fails to meet the deadline or ultimatum and the parents decide to disrupt


PS MAPP 8: Understanding the Impact of Fostering or Adopting

Confidentiality was the big topic of this class. Information about the child should only be given on a "need to know" basis. This is going to be a difficult thing to understand as we will not be able to discuss the reason the child is in foster care with us unless it is pertinent to the situation. We are not even allowed to share the child's first name when discussing the child's behavior in a foster parent support group, however if the child wants to participate in Little League, we are allowed to share the child's name as the Little League team has a "need to know" in order for the child to participate.

We also created a family map that allowed us to see what activities we get energy from and what activities we give energy to. After we created it we had to pick a child scenario and adjust our family map accordingly to include the child in our family. The goal was to identify our strengths and identify what child would best fit into our world.

The last thing we discussed was what to do in the first 24 hours with the child.

Home Safety Inspection

Our home safety inspection was Wednesday, May 29th at 2pm. Jon was off work in time to get home and I was able to take my lunch break a little later in the day. The inspector was right on time and started in the kitchen. He went straight down the list - see page 15 of the DES Checklist. We had a minor hiccup with the fridge temperature due to Jon making some adjustments but the inspector let us turn the gauge down and he re-checked it at the end of the visit and we were in compliance! He basically walked throughout our entire house opening all cabinets and drawers and asking us where different hazardous items were stored. All smoke detectors were checked to make sure they were in working condition. My favorite part of the inspection was the emergency evacuation plan. Apparently most people fail the whole inspection because they can't follow these simple instructions:

1. Identify 2 routes to evacuate from bedrooms used in care
2. Identify the location of fire extinguishers
3. Designate a safe meeting place outside the setting
4. Maintain the plan on the setting

If you know me, you know my love for Excel. I looked at the example and realized I could use excel and got right to work. Here's my finished product:

At the end of the day we got the golden stamp of approval! We are now certified by the state of Arizona as living in a house that is safe for children!

PS MAPP 6: Identity & Culture

Forgive us for getting a little behind on the blog updates. We spent most of last week in Chicago celebrating the wedding of Jon's cousin and I got to meet most of the family! 

Last week's class was about identity and culture.

What is identity, culture, race, and connections? 

Identity is who you are based on characteristics such as race, ethinic background, religion, primary roles and responsibilities, and gender. 

Culture is the integrated pattern of human behavior that includes thought, speech and actions; the customary beliefs,  social forms and material traits of a racial, religious or social group or class as seen through an individual's perceptual lens.

Here is a good visual of identity, culture, race, etc:

As foster parents we will be responsible for helping the child connect with their culture. Makes sense, right? The goal of foster care is reunification so maintaining culture is obvious. I didn't realize how important it is for an adopted child as well but it is equally as important. There is truth to the quote "you don't know where you are going if you don't know where you're from." How do we help the child connect to their culture? It could be as simple as music, clothing, a museum, or celebrating a certain holiday. 

Overall an interesting class, definitely better than the first few classes. It seems the main thing to do is just to try to incorporate a little piece of their past into their life going forward.

At the end of each class we are assigned homework. Typically it's fairly easy questions to get conversation flowing in the household about the new adventure, however this week we were assigned to write a letter to birth parents. This letter will be in our Family Profile and may be shown to actual birth parents. How do you write a letter to someone to explain to them who you are and why you are qualified to foster or adopt their child? 

You'd think we'd be set with just one hard assignment this week but we also received our appointment for our home safety inspection. It's on the 29th which is about a week away. As you can see on our checklist we definitely have some things to get accomplished this week!

PS MAPP 5: Discipline

I had known this class would be on discipline for a few weeks now and was extremely eager to see what sort of ideas and resources they would provide on the topic of discipline. My interest probably stems from the fact that I hear frequently what a stubborn child I was and my parents had to get quite creative to figure out what would work for me. And by stubborn, I was that little girl that wouldn't finish her vegetables and would sit at the dining room table until bedtime in order to prove a point. I didn't do this just once, I did this numerous times throughout my childhood. Fortunately, I ended up losing against my parents because I LOVE vegetables now (Thanks Mom & Dad!).

Jon wasn't able to make this class due to some additional medical issues so I was on my own. The class started out with each parent receiving a one word description on their back. Then we partnered up and had to treat each other according to the word on their back without saying the word. Each parent had to guess what their word was. My partner was a Grandpa who is in the class for kinship. He began by telling me that I could get my point across without yelling or maybe I should try using my inside voice and talking quieter.  My first guess was "Loud Mouth" but they were all 1 word so I quickly guessed that my word was "loud". Then it was my turn. My partner had the word "tantrums" on his back. I explained to him how it was okay to get mad, angry, or frustrated but it was better to use your words than screaming. He quickly guessed temper tantrums and shortened it to just tantrums. Other words were bully, pregnant, runner, and promiscuous. The lesson learned was that everyone can be labeled and most of the time people don't like being labeled. The only difference with foster children is they typically come already labelled and it's our goal to help them work through it.

Punishment is a behavior designed to stop a behavior. Punishment implies the threat or use of power and/or fear to change inappropriate behavior.

Discipline is training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior. It is a teaching process through which the child learns to develop and maintain the self-control, self-reliance, self-esteem, and orderly conduct necessary to assume responsibilities, make daily living decisions and live according to accepted levels of social behavior.

As you can probably imagine, punishment is prohibited on foster children. As you probably didn't know, as a foster parent you are also prohibited from punishing your biological children in addition to being prohibited from punishing a child you have adopted. 

The remainder of the class was spent discussing 15 different discipline techniques.

1. Be a Role Model
• One of the most effective methods of learning is imitation.
2. Provide the Child with Time Out
• 1 minute for each year of the child's age; allows the child with the opportunity to take back control
3. Provide Positive Reinforcers and Privileges
• Immediate positve feedback; could be as simple as a hug or positive statement
4. Take Away Privileges
• The rule is 30 minutes on the Xbox but the child plays for an hour, take away the Xbox for a day.
5. Provide Natural and Logical Consequences
• If the child leaves their bike outside, it will probably get stolen. The child can do chores to earn money to buy a new bike.
6. Ignore the Behavior
• Sometimes children use behavior to gain control or get your attention; it is effective to ignore this behavior
7. Ensure the Restitution Occurs
• Practice doing things the right way
8. Hold Family Meetings
• Discuss what is happening and logical solutions
9. Develop Behavioral Charts
• Everytime the child asks for something without whining they get a sticker.
10. Grandma's Rule This for That
• If you clean your room then you can go play with your friends
11. Help the Child Understand Feelings
• Paraphrase or restate what was said. "I wish my mother could help me with my homework" could be restated as "You wish your mom were around to help you"
12. Replace Negative Time with Positive Time
• If a child is trying to take a toy from another child, redirect them towards a toy that isn't being played with
13. Provide Alternatives for Destructive Acting-Out Behaviors
• A child that likes to run away can be directed towards the track team.
14. Make a Plan for Change with the Child
• Help the child understand the need for change and then develop a goal together.
15. Make a Plan for Change with the Child and a Professional
• Be ready to reach out for help if needed

We had to come up with 3 child behaviors that would push our buttons and write each one on 3 separate post it's resulting in 9 total post it's. Then we walked around the classroom and hung each post it on a different discipline technique. The idea was to help us form a plan of action of different ways to handle different behaviors that push our buttons.

We played a lot of games in this class, this one was to demonstrate positive and negative reinforcement. Our last one was hot and cold game. Two volunteers were sent outside the classroom and then we hid 2 snickers bars. The first volunteer came in and when they got close to the snickers bar we said hotter but when they were far away we said colder. It took him a minute to find the candy bar. The second volunteer came in and we were instructed to tell him he was doing awful, he was stupid, he'd never find it, he might as well give up now, and anything else along those lines. It took him almost 3 minutes to find the candy bar! Proof that positive reinforcement is the better way to go.

Definitely the most interesting and the most helpful class by far! I truly think keeping your cool when a child is deliberately pushing your buttons has got be one of the most difficult things to do as a parent. The instructors also encouraged us to talk to other parents about the methods that worked with their children as each child is different and will respond to a different technique.

Do you have any experience with other creative, effective discipline ideas?

Home Preparations & PS MAPP Class 4

     This past Saturday we began home preparations. The current guest room is going to be the new kid's room and the office is going to be converted into an office/guest bedroom. Jon and I spent a couple hours going through the closets and getting rid of stuff including Jon's wine barrel desk which he loved but truly hardly used; his brother Kris was more than happy to accept the wine barrel's as a birthday present. The old office is now a guest bedroom and my office when no one is staying with us. The children's bedroom is awaiting a new paint job; Jon and I have decided on Dr. Seuss Blue!  Jon came up with an awesome idea for the big piece of wood from his old desk: he is going to make a children's table shaped like the hat from cat in the hat! I'm sure this means more tools are going into next month's budget!

       We've also started preparing for our home inspection by adding a lock to the coat closet door. This is going to hold our bleach, spray paints, and roach spray and perhaps our alcohol if that's required. We still need to figure out what to do with our prescription and over the counter drugs as they have to be kept locked at all times. Suggestions are welcome. We don't have a medicine cabinet in our bathroom so that idea is out. Take a look at our Home Safety Inspection Checklist page to keep tabs on how our home preparations are coming!

      This past Tuesday we had our fourth PS MAPP class. Overall this one was much more interesting. The discussion of the night was attachment and different ways to help the children attach to you. I think the main thing I took away from this class is all kids need certain things in order to attach and form a relationship. It's just going to be a little hard at first since the children have been removed from everything they know. They are going to be scared, sad, and confused when they come to our house but through consistency and support, attachment can happen.

We are looking forward to some more home preparations this weekend, stay tuned!

Time to Catch Up!

3/19/13: Meet with Agency Intake Specialist

Met with Agency Intake Specialist to discuss the paperwork we need to bring to our first PS MAPP class. She also went over some basic questions about me and Jon like our age, birth dates, criminal history, home size, etc. We were also able to ask questions so one of the first we asked as I'm' sure you are wondering too was "How soon would we be licensed and have a child in our home?" Her answer: As soon as June. Yes, it took me a few minutes to comprehend but it is possible we will have a child or children before the end of the year! She finished up with a very quick tour of our house and that was it. It was a quick 30-minute meeting for us to meet our intake specialist face to face.

4/02/13: Paperwork night at AZ Children’s Association

                We had to bring all those important life documents: passports, driver’s license, marriage license, 1 month of paystubs, dog rabies certificate, dog county license, car insurance, etc. In addition we had to create a fire evacuation plan for our house with 2 exits from each room. At this meeting they finger printed us and we signed numerous documents stating everything from self-disclosure of our criminal history to understanding our responsibilities as foster parents.

04/09/13: First PS MAPP class

PS MAPP is Partnering for Safety and Permanence-Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting. This class was extremely dry and covered instructor introductions, PS MAPP objectives, definitions, and laws of foster care/adoption. We were ecstatic when this class was finally over, 3 hours of “legal” verbiage is not my idea of a fun Tuesday night.

04/09/13: Second PS MAPP class

We covered Erikson’s Developmental Stages along with how to identify strengths and needs of an individual. They are very adamant about not having a weakness, instead you have a need. Weakness implies something that cannot be fixed whereas a need is something that can be worked on and improved. After every class we get “Roadwork” which really means homework and we have to complete our strengths and needs that we identified from that class. This is definitely not something Jon and I enjoy but it normally gets some conversation going. This class was again very dry and difficult to stay awake for 3 hours. We are starting to notice how frustrating the class is and worrying about how we plan to make it through the next 8 classes!

04/20/13: First Baby Shopping Trip

                Jon and I decided to go shopping for some baby items in order to get a better feel of prices and what’s even out there or available. We went to Ikea and were disappointed in the minimal selections. There were only 3 cribs and 2 of them looked pretty flimsy. The 3^rd was alright, the main thing was the prices looked good. We were also looking for ideas for a theme for the baby’s room but Ikea left us with nothing.

                Babies R Us was another world! We definitely got somewhere with the car seats and stroller options and have a pretty good idea what we’ll be getting. We want something practical but also something I can take running, yes I still plan to have time for that after kids! At least then I'll have an excuse for how slow I am! Looking at the furniture at Babies R Us was completely overwhelming, it is all so expensive! They also left us with nothing as far as a theme. Overall it was a successful trip since we were just trying to get our feet wet.

                Later that day we did some internet searching for baby room theme’s and finally we found one that we love! Dr. Seuss! Who doesn’t love silly rhymes?! Seemed goofy and perfect for our children! Right then and there we ordered large Dr. Seuss characters for the walls! These ones in particular:

                 In the afternoon we randomly stopped at a garage sale and checked out a crib. Decided against it but I was browsing the books because I love to read and found a Dr. Seuss Book “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”. It was in pretty good condition except a few smudges on the outside cover. It was only 50 cents so we bought it! I cleaned it at home and it looks almost brand new – lucky find. First item for the child’s room and it was less than a dollar - so far success! I then proceeded to read the entire book to Jon with voice changes and everything! While reading the book we found a quote we love that will probably find it's way to the baby's room:

The excitement of being parents is definitely starting to grow!

04/23/13: Third PS MAPP class

                This class was a little more interesting than the previous two. Instead of just identifying what stage of life a child from a specific scenario is in or identifying a child’s strengths and needs; we actually discussed how we would relate to the child from our own personal experiences. However, Jon and I realized we have led very blessed lives and cannot easily relate to a physically and/or sexually abused child or a neglected child who has been ripped from their home (Thanks a lot parents!).

                To help everyone understand the types of things that are discussed in class, let me give you an example. This class we discussed maturational and situational losses. A maturational loss is a loss you expect to occur during the normal course of life. Here were the class examples of a maturational loss:

               

Event	Loss	Gain
Birth	Security of the womb	Life
Walking	Free ride	Independence
Talking	Whining	Communication
Toilet Trained	Freedom	Caring for self
Starting School	Constant comfort	Friends/knowledge
Becoming a teenager	Innocence	Independance/young adult status
Leaving home as a young adult	Family support financial & emotional	Responsibility
Marriage/Coupling	Independence	Partner
Children	Free time, money	Family
Middle Age	Youth, physical looks	Experience/Wisdom
Retirement	Job/career	Free time
Old Age	Health, spouse	Respect

Please re-read the toilet trained event loss. Yes, our class identified the toilet training loss as losing the freedom of being able to go to the bathroom whenever you please. Really? That’s a loss? How about the loss of a diaper and the messy, insanitation that goes along with that? During this class, it took a lot for Jon and I not to take pictures to share with the world. It's slightly scary that these answers are coming from future parents.

                 In case you were wondering, a situational loss is something that occurs due to an unexpected or unplanned event. Foster kids will all have this because they have lost their family, friends, their stability, and possibly loss of innocence, etc.

                 This class was more intriguing but still left an uncomfortable feeling in us. Our teachers will tell stories but they focus a lot on how difficult this path will be instead of balancing it with the positives like the joy that children bring. One statement in particular was difficult to understand. One of the instructor’s stated that a child will attach to the foster family but they will never truly bond with them. I don’t understand this. If that’s true then why does anyone ever foster or adopt? Don’t humans desire a bond with other people? Just because it isn’t biological doesn’t mean you can’t bond with someone. I bond with my friends and I’ve definitely bonded with my husband and none of them are blood. Comments like that really discourage me but we are hoping to get together with some friends that have adopted four children to get their take on this class and see if they can help us work through our frustrations.

Has anyone had a positive, personal experience with adoption?