Judge Rules: The foster parents are their "family"

I've been waiting for months to be able to write this update and now that it's here, I'm at a loss of words.

On August 13th, at 8:15 am I got a call from my husband. Not out of the normal so I didn't think anything of it. He asked me if I'd read my e-mail and I hadn't so I quickly opened it. I saw an e-mail from our lawyer that was the judge's ruling. I quickly flipped to the last page where the final ruling is made and read the following as tears flooded my eyes.

If I wasn't at work I would have squealed but instead I just kept saying how excited I was and we could finally move on and what a great judge we had through my tears of happiness. I was so excited and wanted to shout and scream to the world all the happiness that was in my heart. We are really going to get to stay a family! After I hung up with Jon, I just started mass texting family and friends. Honestly I have no idea how many text messages I sent and how many phone calls I received, my phone was buzzing all morning. I ran around the office telling coworkers. I was useless at work while I responded to text messages and answered phone calls - which just left me in tears of happiness over and over again and I received texts full of emotions of excitement from our family and friends.

I was so excited that I have to share this story of just how high on happiness I was. One of my employees went to the urgent care about an hour after I found out the news. Five minutes after talking to my employee, another coworker asks me if everything is all right. I respond very brightly "Yes, everything is fantastic!". She asks me about my employee stating she overheard that she wasn't feeling good. Oops - in 5 minutes I had already forgotten about my employee and was back in my own head celebrating our family. My coworker hadn't heard the news yet so once I explained to her, she understood. 

The judge took 6 days to rule. He was allowed 60 and he took 6. We'd heard over and over what a great judge he is but that proves it for me. He knew how important it was to make this decision and allow the kids to gain permanency and move on with their lives. After months of delays - he finally made the difficult decision. By difficult, I mean it's difficult in the eyes of the court system. He was presented with two equally fit families that want to adopt these beautiful children. This situation doesn't present itself often in the DES system. Sad I know but all too true, in fact they more often see kid's that have no permanency option and my kids had 2! To the judge, that's amazing and awful. Amazing because these kids will be loved either way but awful because who would want to make that decision?

His ruling severed birth mom's rights in the first sentence of the minutes. The next 3 pages discuss placement of the children and it was very well written.

He continues...

Although I already knew we were their family, it was nice of the state of Arizona to catch up.

Every other blog I read about foster care talks about the loss that occurs when permanency is decided. Every other blog talks about how the foster mom feels for the birth mom because of her loss once severance occurs. I didn't have any of those emotions when I heard the news. Maybe I'm heartless. Maybe I'm an awful person. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I had already given all my compassion to her and this was my family's moment. I think I'll go with the latter. In my mind, this allows me to move forward with my family, now the unknown won't threaten us and give us frustration and anger. Now when my kid's ask about their birth mom, I can talk in a positive light because I know my kids are safe.

The day after the news I spent my time writing lists of all the things Jon and I had said at one time or another "that's something we'll need to decide on once we adopt". Well now's the time!

• First Names
• Middle Names
• College savings accounts
• Make a will
• Adoption party planning! (Clear your calendar when we have a date - this is going to be a big party!)
• Adoption photo shoot
• Life Insurance changes
• Jon's full family photos
• Tina's full family photos

What else am I missing? I know there's more but most of it I can't start on until everything is finalized. 

You might be thinking, what are the next steps? Well we happened to ask our lawyer that exact question.

1. Wait 15 days for the appeal time. If an appeal is file, this will delay things at least a month.
2. After the appeal time is over or the appeal is lost, the kids will be free for adoption
3. File adoption paperwork
4. Adoption hearing in 2-3 months

The most important sentence of the lawyers e-mail "It should be done before 2016!"

That would make our year!

Playing in Payson

I think we've started a Lyons' family tradition - 4th of July camping! If you don't remember, we took the kids camping at 10 months old last year Colorado Camping Craziness. Luckily I took some pointers from last year and only went an hour and a half out of town - far enough to cool off a bit but close enough that we didn't go crazy in the car ride. Payson was the perfect break from life that our family needed.

Last time we went out of town the kids did not sleep well and they have pretty much outgrown their pack'n'plays. We weren't sure how the sleeping situation was going to work but realized the kids sleep on cots at daycare so why not try that? On Monday we found relatively cheap cots on Amazon so we ordered one in blue and one in pink. 

 
By Thursday we still didn't have the cots even though they were shipped using Amazon Prime.

Friday morning rolls around and still no cots. I'm feeding the kids when Jon walks out of the bedroom and tells me he knows what truck the cots are in and he's off to catch the postwoman. He returns about 15 minutes later with 2 cots in hand - success.

We pack the minivan and are on the road right on schedule - 9am! We get to Payson and pull into Houston Mesa campground a little after Lisa and Ryan. Our campground is perfect! It's down a dirt path and tucked in, surrounded by trees so you can't even see your neighbor! Baby Audrey is happily playing on a blanket and my kids each go over and say hi to her. It was adorable.

We were even more excited when we learned we were at one of the only campgrounds that allowed campfires - more success! Camp was quickly set up and we just let the kids wander around, play in the dirt, throw balls in the bushes - you know the normal outdoorsy kid things. 

Lisa & Audrey

Me with a s'more

That evening we helped the kids cooks s'mores - I have the most adorable picture of the two of them with their marshmallow roasters. Baby boy was more interested in cooking the marshmallow than eating it and baby girl was more interested in eating it than cooking it. 

After the kids went to bed, we made some adult beverages and had a ladder ball competition by the campfire. Jon and Ryan played first and Ryan won. Then Lisa and I played and I won. We had to determine a winner so Ryan and I played and I won. I was winner of the campsite! I'm awful at ladder ball but apparently in the dark when we are camping, I do really well!

Saturday we attempted to go on a hike but were stuck behind a Payson 4th of July Parade which consisted of golf carts decorated in red, white, and blue, American flags, and other 4th of July decorations. It was pretty comical - small towns are more excited about being in the parade than people watching it - I think the whole town was in the parade! After the delay, we finally arrived at the hiking spot. We got out of the minivan and at least 5 bee's flew straight into the car. I had Audrey in my arms, grabbed one of my children and ran. Lisa got out and ran too. We closed the minivan and proceeded to decide what to do. We were informed there were bees on the trail and as we stood there deciding what to do, Ryan got stung. That was the deciding factor, we were not hiking with bees especially since we have no idea if any of the kids have allergies. We sent Jon back to the minivan to drive it down the road and get the bee's out before we got in with the kids. He did a fantastic job, it only took 3 times of opening doors, throwing a child in and quickly closing the door before we got everyone in with no bees! Audrey might have sat on Jon's lap in the driver's seat during the shenanigans - she thought that was pretty exciting! 

That afternoon we hiked on a nature trail at the campground and then Lisa and I pushed 3 umbrella stroller's with all the kids in them around the campground for over an hour. It was the only way they would sleep as the tent was pretty hot during the day.

Sunday we took our time packing up, Jon took the kids to the airport that was close by since baby boy loves planes. Then we grabbed lunch at a delicious Mexican food restaurant before heading home. If you are ever in Payson try Sal & Teresa's Mexican Restaurant - it was well worth it. 

It was a fantastic weekend with family - a tradition worth keeping!

Lisa, Ryan, and Audrey

Me and my sister

We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

The rollercoaster continues

Last Wednesday I received an unexpected, very upsetting phone call from our newest case manager. She informed me that the interstate compact had been approved and the children's uncle was willing to come get the children this weekend. She stated CPS would be filing a change in physical custody so he could move the children prior to his 3 week work trip. I was devastated. I called the children's lawyer and told her what was going on and my concerns about this move.

• Baby girl got tubes put in her ears less than a week ago. Her follow up appointment is scheduled in another week to see if she can pass hearing exams. I requested the GAL (kid's lawyer) make sure the uncle gets her to an ENT doctor for a follow up in case they do move the kids this quickly.
• Baby girl had thrown up numerous times that day and we had not yet determined if it was related to the ear surgery or not.
• Uprooting the kids from everything they know in order to have the Uncle out of town for 3 weeks after they move to another state. In foster parent training you learn about the "honeymoon stage" when kids are disrupted. Basically the kids are angels in the beginning because they don't know what else to do. Once they realize the situation isn't changing, they start reacting to it. Right when they start reacting to it, the Uncle will be gone - who will help them through this transition?
• The uncle has shown little to no interest in the kids. He has visited with the children once for 2 hours in the last year and a half.

She was also disturbed by the the news and hadn't heard anything prior to my phone call. That night she e-mailed the Assistant Attorney General (The state's lawyer) stating that she would be objecting if they filed the change in physical custody. On Thursday it was filed. Scared the children would be leaving that weekend we called an impromptu party with our families to celebrate our children. Jon's parents were amazing and quickly threw together a dinner for both our families. 

By Thursday night I had heard the kids would not be leaving this weekend due to the objection from the GAL. This was good however they were having an urgent hearing sometime next week to decide if the kids should move. 

Jon and I reached out to family and friends asking for prayers as we were unsure what would happen in court. 

The response we received was absolutely breath taking. Everyone's prayers were heard, court went as well as we could have hoped. To begin with, the judge stated that it was completely inappropriate to try to move the kids so quickly and abruptly. The GAL requested a best interest assessment which the judge agreed to and is now court ordered. The main question the court has for a psychologist, simply put is which option is in the kids best interest-

A: To leave them in the current situation which is not family; but also the only situation they have known.
B:To disrupt the kids from their current and consistent situation; due to the belief that family (blood) is best.

The judge stated that she believes both families are most likely very loving and safe, and that it isn't a matter of which family is better, but which situation will allow the kids to thrive the most.

Basically the kids will stay in our care at least until the best interest assessment is done. So we can finally take a much needed deep breath and a short sigh of relief. Please continue to keep our kids in your thoughts and prayers. Again, thank you everyone for all of your support, it is uplifting to know how strong our family is and how many people love our little ones.

In super exciting news, baby girl has become extremely interested in the potty in the last 3 weeks. She regularly wants to sit on the potty, never did anything just sat and giggled on the potty. This past Sunday she came up to Jon and said "I potty". Jon rushed her to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. I ran in behind him and she actually went pee! We were at Aunt Becca's house and all the aunt's and uncles came running in to give her high fives! Then two days later she tells me she has to potty so I rush her to her potty and she goes poop! Again she got lot's of praise and high fives. We are so proud and lucky to have a little girl who seems to be potty training herself! We are going to keep encouraging her and we'll see where this goes!

Both kids are talking so much, everyday I feel like they say a new word to surprise me or they follow an instruction they hadn't previously understood. There is something about watching a child learn and put things together that is just pure. Every morning I look forward to the giggles and every evening I look forward to discovering what they learned about the world today that I learned many years ago but seem to have forgotten just how amazing it is.

Thank you for all your love and support throughout the past 19 months. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as the state hopefully comes to the conclusion that we already have, this is our family; blood or not; we are happy.