ADOPTION DAY!

The day I had been waiting 818 days for had finally come. December 3rd - Adoption Day. I woke up in the morning and got the kids situated with their breakfast next to the Christmas Tree. Jaxson (that feels nice!) has been infatuated with the Christmas Tree since we set it up and every morning he runs to turn the lights on. He couldn't eat breakfast the first couple days because he would just stand and watch the tree lights so we told him Thursday was a special day and he could eat in the living room and watch the tree. In fact the whole family sat at the little, itty bitty kids table and ate cereal. It was a perfect start to the day.

After breakfast the texts and the status updates started coming - there were so many I couldn't keep up! A couple made me tear up and I was sure it wasn't the last of the day.

After breakfast we dressed the kids and took them to take photos with Aunt Amy and Uncle Swaz. They went pretty well. Jaxson wasn't feeling well so he gave up on smiling pretty quickly and just wanted to be cuddled. I enjoyed every minute of it - normally he's so active and I only get cuddles in the morning when he's not fully awake yet.

Roaring like a Lion!

Snuggles

Tickles

I forgot to mention, I was very frustrated earlier in the week because Jayce got sent home from school on Tuesday for being sick and then Jaxson got sent home on Wednesday. On top of that I was battling a pretty nasty sinus infection. On Wednesday we actually had Jaxson at the urgent care for an infection. I was less than thrilled that my family was going to be sick on adoption day (Thursday) but at the same time felt like I couldn't complain - we were going to be recognized as a family!

After pictures we went home and just played with the kids until it was time to leave for court. My husband's awesome sister tagged our car so we got some honks on the way to court :)

We waited about 20 minutes before we were called in at which point I realized we didn't have Judge Cohen as requested. Judge Cohen made the decision to keep the kids with their family so we requested he complete the adoption. Unfortunately he was out on an unplanned medical leave. Oh well.....adoption day goes on except then the step in judge asks if we want to reschedule our adoption day because our lawyer was at the wrong courthouse and had all the paperwork. I almost broke down right then and there. Did she not understand how long we waited for this day? Did she not understand that 19 people had requested the day off work, been pulled out of school, or missed their nap time so they could witness our forever family moment? I was dumbfounded that she would even suggest such a thing! Luckily Jon jumped in and asked if we could wait for our lawyer to drive across town and just delay a little. The judge happily agreed stating the next case would take about 20 minutes.

TWO HOURS, numerous snacks, 50 runs through the courthouse halls, and 20 meltdowns later we were called back in. I had lost all faith that our forever day would ever occur and at that point just wanted it over because I felt awful making everyone wait at a courthouse that long. Ten minutes later we were declared Jonathan, Tina, Jaycee, and Jaxson Lyons! Worth the wait? You bet!

Afterwards we all came back to our house for a toast, dinner, celebration, laughter, and love. We are finally the family we always thought, we are the Lyons!

Court appearance #14 - Severance Trial

I knew today would be tough. Being a mom, it's hard to imagine sitting in a court room full of judgement while people tell me why I'm unfit to be the mother of my own kid's. I try my hardest to put myself in her shoes as the thought of losing the children I have raised devastates me every time I think about it so the pure thought of someone telling me that I am unfit - that would be tough and my heart goes out to her.

About a week after the last court hearing visits with birth mom kept getting canceled. It seemed odd to me that a couple weeks out from a severance trial you'd be missing visits but everything in this cases is opposite of what I'd expect so I tried not to read into it.

Last week the DCS case manager did her monthly visit and authorizes me to cut the kid's hair as she hasn't been able to get a hold of birth mom for some time now. Going into today I was confident birth mom would be in attendance as she has never missed a court hearing. She refused to attend today. The court decides to proceed with the severance trial as a fallback in case birth mom didn't attend for a legitimate reason (i.e. sick in the hospital, etc.). This is an actual trial, witness' are called to testify and questioned by the defense, GAL (kid's lawyer), and the state (DCS). We learned some very interesting things about the case that I wish I could share. In the middle of the severance trial we find out that birth mom has decided to stop contesting her severance. Basically she is throwing in the towel - for some reason trial continues. We later learn this is because birth mom could change her mind tomorrow so they might as well have all the evidence documented since everyone already cleared their schedules. After the questioning ends the discussion moves into placement discussions - placement means should the kids be with us or with the maternal uncle. This is not the purpose of the hearing and should not be discussed but the judge decides for whatever reason to allow it. At the end of the day the judge has 2 separate, independent decisions to make.

1. Severance or termination of birth mom's rights
2. Placement: would it be in the kid's best interest to be with maternal uncle or us

I truly believe we have a good judge. He was previously a lawyer and has been a part of the judicial system for over 35 years. In the court room he very clearly states what has occurred and how he is going to move forward and he doesn't seem to get confused by all the lawyer jargon (i.e. sometimes lies). He very directly stated that the placement decision will be extremely difficult and he cannot win and he cannot lose. He continued with "I can't lose because both families are good permanency options, I can't win because someone will be devastated by my decision." Fair, I can't be angry. The judge then directly addressed Jon and I stating he has had to put 15 year old's in jail for 15+ years and dealt with life sentences and this decision bears the same weight as those. I don't envy him. Although I'd be able to make the decision in less than a second, some people might say I'm biased. From his stand point, this is difficult and it's not often kids in DCS custody have 2 permanency options. In that regard, my kids are lucky.

As the judge addressed us I felt my eyes watering. I don't think I've mentioned this before but I go into every court hearing with a straight face, no emotions, I refuse to picture my children in my head as I want to appear strong and my kids bring on the emotions. This is the first time I couldn't hold it back. As the judge talked to us directly and I started realizing decisions are going to be made, I couldn't keep that straight face. It irritated me as I didn't want the judge to think I was putting on some show to influence him but it was not a show, it was 23 months of emotions realizing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That light may be a train about to run me over or the beautiful sun shining on the other side of the longest tunnel of my life. 

I did hold it mostly together in court but within seconds of exiting that building the tears started falling. Nothing changed today except I know that a decision about my children's future will be made within 60 days. Talking to my sister she helped me realize, it's the definitive date that is causing all the emotions. By October 8th a decision will be made about my children's living arrangements, their place to eat, their daycare, their friends, the state they reside in, their grandparents, their family, their beds, their identity. It could be earlier but it will be no later than October 8th. That is scary and wonderful at the same time.

Please pray for our judge to review all the relevant information and make his decision based on the best interest of our children.

We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

Expect the unexpected

I've sat through numerous court hearings and heard countless numbers of excuses and seen chance after chance be given while my children sit on the sidelines left unrepresented. I expected nothing less at the hearing this past Friday and chance after chance was afforded to birth parents, however I got a little bit of an unexpected twist. 

The Good
This hearing was just supposed to be a report and review, basically just a check in however birth dad did not show up. I don't think I explained this earlier because I didn't think it would be relevant in our case but now I must explain. Once the birth parents are served with the severance paperwork they MUST attend every court hearing from that point forward otherwise the state can sever their parental rights that day, no trial, no appeal, just sever and done instantly. As I said earlier, birth dad did not attend for the first time ever and yes, the state severed his parental rights. It was surreal. As of January 9, 2015, my children only have one daddy in their lives. 

The Bad
That all happened after birth mom's hearing. She was there and is definitely contesting the severance. The first trial date the court presented for severance was March 4 however her lawyer conveniently had something on the calendar that day and then proceeded to have something on her calendar for the next 5 days suggested which somehow pushed us to JULY! The judge had to ask this lawyer the next day she was available which pushed us another month.....so the severance trial is set for July 9th. That's 6 months away! After the trial, the judge has 30-60 days to make a decision. Don't worry, I'm an accountant and I'll do the math for you, that puts us at September 9th.....this is two years and two days past the day they came into our lives which also means the kids will be 2 years old. So yes, these kids will probably not be adopted into their forever home in 2015. Anger commence.

The maternal uncle is also still in the mix. We believe birth mom's lawyer is stalling the severance in order to give the interstate paperwork more time to process so the maternal uncle can adopt the kids.

I left court in a mix of emotions, I was crying yet in disbelief, smiling yet frustrated, excited yet angry. Up and down, but I like to think we just took 5 steps forward and only 2 step back.

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes as we continue our way through this process, we still have another 8+ months to go.

The Struggle Continues

It's been awhile since I've given the legal update on the case mainly because there hadn't been much movement until recently. About a month ago the case plan changed from reunification to severance. What that means is CPS has acknowledged they have tried to work towards family reunification but it no longer seems possible so in the best interest of the children they'd like to sever the birth parents rights and find a permanent home for the children. 

The process to terminate birth parents rights can take 6-8ish months. Here's how it works: A month ago, the judge acknowledged the change in the case plan. After that the birth parents lawyers serve the birth parents with the notice to sever rights. A week ago the birth parents had court where they were able to state if they agree or contest the severance. Our birth parents contested. In early November we have a review hearing. Then the case will go through 2-3 days of trial where they will call the parent aides, CPS worker, GAL, doctors, daycare workers, etc. to the stand if needed. After that, the judge has a specific number of days to make a decision. And just like all other cases in our judicial system, the birth parents can appeal that decision. So then it'll go through the appeals process. After that, the decision is final. It is very frustrating that after a year, we still have another 6+ months to go but at the same time I need to count the positives and although we still have awhile, this is the very first positive for us since this case has started. Please keep our children in your thoughts and prayers that the best outcome for them is chosen.

It's hard not to get frustrated at the system but I always have to step back and think about it from the judge's point of view. The judge only hears this case every 60ish days and then she only hears what the lawyers tell her which is about 15% of what is actually going on. Then she has to dig through all the nonsense of the lawyers to figure out the accurate details. Based on that data, she has to make a decision that will affect these children's lives forever. My dad read an article that compared severing a birth parents rights to the death penalty due to the permanent nature of the decision. Once parental rights are severed, that's it. That parent can never be involved with their child again unless a foster or adoptive parent chooses to keep them involved. It's final, the end of that family. If I was the judge, I'd want to be 110% positive I was making the right decision. But that's hard to see from my side sometimes because from my view of the world, the kids are already home.

Supervised visits with the birth parents will continue up until the severance. It does not matter what the parents are doing on their visits, they will always legally have the right to see their children as long as their parental rights are in tact. Our visits are twice a week and have been going okay. The kids eat extremely unhealthy and come home starving but overall, they are okay. Recently our case received a new parent aide, the person who supervises the visit. I was less than thrilled to get a new one because our last 2 had been incompetent. This one however is amazing! She considers our schedule, tells us that the kids ate "snacks" for dinner and will need to be fed before bed, and just overall is in her job for the right reasons. I should find out who her boss is and give her a compliment because she makes the visits a little less painful for us. 

Tonight was the first visit at 5pm - 7pm. the kids typically go to bed at 7:30 so a visit that ends at 7 means they don't get home until almost 8. We were not thrilled but to accommodate birth dad's work schedule, they asked we try to make this work. (Don't ask why the kids schedule isn't taken into consideration.....I get blank stares when I ask that.) So onto tonight's visit, I knew it was going to be rough so I decided to take advantage of the fact that I didn't have to pick them up at daycare and left work early to go hiking. I figured it would help relax me and put me in the right mood for dealing with cranky kids. I was right, the hike was amazing, the view of Phoenix was amazing, the sunset was beautiful - I came home in a great mood. The kids came home, as expected, hungry, tired, and cranky. According to our spectacular parent aide, the kids ate teddy graham's and french fries for dinner and lucky them, they got to wash it down with soda. Apparently the parent aide suggested water or milk numerous times but the birth parents insisted on soda. We all know that 13 month old's need soda to survive. On top of it all, she gave them hair cuts. Yes, I know I was complaining that they needed haircuts and I was mad I couldn't be trusted to get them done but I was surprisingly very emotional that it had finally happened. I kept myself composed around the parent aide and composed while I fed the children chicken, rice, and applesauce but after they went to bed (45 minutes past bedtime), I lost it. In my head, these are MY children. I raised them. I am the one who loses sleep when they wake up at 3am. I am the one who takes off work to hold them while they are sick. I am the one who chases them around the house on hands and knees saying "I'm going to get you". I am the one trying to feed them healthy food, teach them lessons and help them become awesome, self sufficient little people. But I didn't get to take them for their first haircut. I know it's such a silly thing and I know I didn't want a lock of their hair but somehow I'm devastated that I missed out on their first haircut. These are the things I never thought about when we decided to be foster parents and these are the things I never thought would crush me but tonight I am hurting.