We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

Stranger Danger

Birth mom has not had a visit with her kids since October. On Friday I had a missed call at 5:15pm from our new case worker. I have never met her and my first call from her states the kids are having a visit on Monday from 1-3pm. Her case aide will pick the children up and supervise the visit. 

You'd think I'd be used to this by now and be over it but I'm not. Don't you think you'd want to talk to the foster parents first before just setting up a visit? You are new on the case and have no idea what is going on, such as the kids nap at daycare from 12-2. So they are going to get picked up at 12:30ish, go on a visit for 2 hours, come back to daycare and not get a nap. Thank you CPS for making my daycare frustrated and angry. Thank you CPS for ruining any sort of schedule my kids had - any study you read says kids need structure in order to grow up healthy and happy. In fact, my foster parent training and guides provided by the state talk about providing structure in your foster home. Thank you CPS for most likely testing my patience tonight with my kids as they will be extremely tired and cranky and won't want to eat dinner and won't want to take baths because they are too tired to function. I'm already angry with all of that but I think I've kept my composure all weekend in order to continue providing that happy, healthy home to these beautiful children and then on Monday at 12:30pm I get a phone call from the case aide.

"Hi, my name is ___ and I'm picking up your foster kids today, can you tell me their names?" With all my heart I wanted to say yes, their names are Jane and John Doe because that's what that question deserves as an answer. She then continued with "Okay, thanks I think that's all I need" I responded stating she can just go into the Toddler Room and sign them out, the daycare girls are aware the kids have a visit today. She responds with "Toddler room? How old are the kids?" Again, I wanted to say oh they are 8 and 9.....they are in the TODDLER ROOM so somewhere between 1 and 3. How in your right mind is it your job to pick up a child, supervise the visit, and then return the child? You don't even know the child's name or their age? Do you have the appropriate carseat? Do you know they are twins so you actually need 2 carseats of the same kind? How as a parent am I supposed to feel comfortable with this woman going to my daycare, picking up my children, and supervising a visit when she can't even figure out their names.

As my kids are getting older, we are learning more and more about parenting and I'm starting to think about how baby girl says "hi" and waves to just about everyone she see's and meets. Very cute but at the same time, a little worrisome. In my head I start thinking about teaching her about strangers and how she is to never go anywhere with a stranger but then I remember that about every 6 months a new CPS stranger picks her up to take her to her visits. How am I supposed to explain that one? "Okay baby girl, you are never to go anywhere with a stranger because they might be dangerous. However, if a stranger comes to daycare to get you, that's okay, just ask for their CPS badge to make sure they are legit." Please tell me how to explain this situation to a toddler. Please tell me how to properly parent as a foster mom. 

I really need to find a foster to adopt parent support group so I can see how other foster mom's have dealt with all of this. Each day seems to be getting more and more difficult for us to handle as we realize we still have such a long journey that still could end childless. The kids are bonding more and more to us and our family everyday, I just don't know how to explain this to them so they are prepared in case they are sent somewhere else. How do you prepare a toddler for that? Where is their lawyer? Isn't she supposed to be fighting for them? For their stability? For their happiness?

I am ready to fight the system but I am not sure where to start. If anyone has any ideas or any contacts, please let me know. The Arizona CPS system is very messed up right now and it needs to change.

UPDATE (2/10/15):
When I picked up the kids from daycare yesterday evening I was told by the daycare that the case aide showed up without car seats. My daycare obviously did not let her take the kids so she left and returned with 2 car seats.....uninstalled. She did not know how to install the car seats in her vehicle and requested the daycare to assist her. They did, then she requested they assist her with properly securing the children in the car seats. I was livid to say the least when I was told this story. It is absolutely unacceptable for a Department of CHILD SAFETY employee whom transports children to not know how to install a car seat in her vehicle. I have already sent an e-mail complaint to my case manager along with her supervisor. I have also already obtained a formal grievance and plan to have one filed by the end of the day. I will also be taking a form to my daycare and requesting they file a grievance as well. I do not take my children's safety lightly and I wouldn't think the state would either. I let my agency know the situation and she agreed with how I was handling it but also stated this isn't the first time this has happened to her foster families. That just further made me want to fight the system - something is severely wrong in Arizona's foster care system.

Up and down, around and around

Last time I updated I stated the case plan had been changed to severance. Don't worry, it's still listed as severance, however at our previous review hearing birth mom was back on track. Her lawyer requested if she's still on track at the next hearing, they switch the case plan back to reunification. I was extremely surprised and completely devastated. After 13 months of on track, off track, on track, off track I was surprised the judge responded that we would consider it at the next hearing. How many tries does one get to be a parent? The next hearing isn't until early January so we get to enjoy the holiday's with our kids. At this same hearing, I found out the maternal uncle would be visiting over Thanksgiving. Again surprise and complete devastation. Mind you this is only 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and the first I've heard of this visit. We didn't hear anything about the visit until Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

The maternal uncle, his wife, their kids, and birth mom's sister all visited with the twins for a couple hours the Friday after Thanksgiving. Jon had to work so I met them with the case manager. Baby boy had a hard time letting go of me and was constantly crying and reaching for me when other people took him. Baby girl was okay for a bit and then randomly would reach for me or walk back to me. I stayed for 30 minutes until I felt like the kids started to relax. There was no way I was leaving my kids when they looked scared and worried, I don't care if I should have left earlier, my kids needed me. My mom helped entertain me while the kids had their visit and Jon was off work by the time we needed to pick them up. We walked into the McDonald's and baby girl ran to Jon all excited and baby boy ran to me. It was a nice feeling because I'm bonded to them but it's always nice to know they are bonded with us.

The maternal uncle and his wife are very nice and no red flags came up. He seems to have a good job and is a good dad to his other kids. This was comforting for myself and Jon. We definitely want to make these kids a permanent part of our family but if they have to go somewhere else, we are comforted to feel that they would be well taken care of. The case manager constantly tries to reassure me and Jon that the case still has quite a ways to go and that interstate adoptions are very difficult but none of that means anything to us until we have those final papers in our hand.

Leaving the legal case behind.....our "babies" are no longer babies, we officially have toddlers. Both kids are walking, getting into everything, and just overall curious about life. On the weekends we take them to the library for babytime and to the park to run around and go down the slides and swing on the swings. Baby boy is all boy, he loves to be outside and play with stick's, balls, and point at airplanes. He also says ball to anything round. Baby girl is very smart, she understands instructions like "go get the ball" or "say bye" or "Is baby girl happy?" to which she replies by clapping her hands!

The Struggle Continues

It's been awhile since I've given the legal update on the case mainly because there hadn't been much movement until recently. About a month ago the case plan changed from reunification to severance. What that means is CPS has acknowledged they have tried to work towards family reunification but it no longer seems possible so in the best interest of the children they'd like to sever the birth parents rights and find a permanent home for the children. 

The process to terminate birth parents rights can take 6-8ish months. Here's how it works: A month ago, the judge acknowledged the change in the case plan. After that the birth parents lawyers serve the birth parents with the notice to sever rights. A week ago the birth parents had court where they were able to state if they agree or contest the severance. Our birth parents contested. In early November we have a review hearing. Then the case will go through 2-3 days of trial where they will call the parent aides, CPS worker, GAL, doctors, daycare workers, etc. to the stand if needed. After that, the judge has a specific number of days to make a decision. And just like all other cases in our judicial system, the birth parents can appeal that decision. So then it'll go through the appeals process. After that, the decision is final. It is very frustrating that after a year, we still have another 6+ months to go but at the same time I need to count the positives and although we still have awhile, this is the very first positive for us since this case has started. Please keep our children in your thoughts and prayers that the best outcome for them is chosen.

It's hard not to get frustrated at the system but I always have to step back and think about it from the judge's point of view. The judge only hears this case every 60ish days and then she only hears what the lawyers tell her which is about 15% of what is actually going on. Then she has to dig through all the nonsense of the lawyers to figure out the accurate details. Based on that data, she has to make a decision that will affect these children's lives forever. My dad read an article that compared severing a birth parents rights to the death penalty due to the permanent nature of the decision. Once parental rights are severed, that's it. That parent can never be involved with their child again unless a foster or adoptive parent chooses to keep them involved. It's final, the end of that family. If I was the judge, I'd want to be 110% positive I was making the right decision. But that's hard to see from my side sometimes because from my view of the world, the kids are already home.

Supervised visits with the birth parents will continue up until the severance. It does not matter what the parents are doing on their visits, they will always legally have the right to see their children as long as their parental rights are in tact. Our visits are twice a week and have been going okay. The kids eat extremely unhealthy and come home starving but overall, they are okay. Recently our case received a new parent aide, the person who supervises the visit. I was less than thrilled to get a new one because our last 2 had been incompetent. This one however is amazing! She considers our schedule, tells us that the kids ate "snacks" for dinner and will need to be fed before bed, and just overall is in her job for the right reasons. I should find out who her boss is and give her a compliment because she makes the visits a little less painful for us. 

Tonight was the first visit at 5pm - 7pm. the kids typically go to bed at 7:30 so a visit that ends at 7 means they don't get home until almost 8. We were not thrilled but to accommodate birth dad's work schedule, they asked we try to make this work. (Don't ask why the kids schedule isn't taken into consideration.....I get blank stares when I ask that.) So onto tonight's visit, I knew it was going to be rough so I decided to take advantage of the fact that I didn't have to pick them up at daycare and left work early to go hiking. I figured it would help relax me and put me in the right mood for dealing with cranky kids. I was right, the hike was amazing, the view of Phoenix was amazing, the sunset was beautiful - I came home in a great mood. The kids came home, as expected, hungry, tired, and cranky. According to our spectacular parent aide, the kids ate teddy graham's and french fries for dinner and lucky them, they got to wash it down with soda. Apparently the parent aide suggested water or milk numerous times but the birth parents insisted on soda. We all know that 13 month old's need soda to survive. On top of it all, she gave them hair cuts. Yes, I know I was complaining that they needed haircuts and I was mad I couldn't be trusted to get them done but I was surprisingly very emotional that it had finally happened. I kept myself composed around the parent aide and composed while I fed the children chicken, rice, and applesauce but after they went to bed (45 minutes past bedtime), I lost it. In my head, these are MY children. I raised them. I am the one who loses sleep when they wake up at 3am. I am the one who takes off work to hold them while they are sick. I am the one who chases them around the house on hands and knees saying "I'm going to get you". I am the one trying to feed them healthy food, teach them lessons and help them become awesome, self sufficient little people. But I didn't get to take them for their first haircut. I know it's such a silly thing and I know I didn't want a lock of their hair but somehow I'm devastated that I missed out on their first haircut. These are the things I never thought about when we decided to be foster parents and these are the things I never thought would crush me but tonight I am hurting. 

1 year wiser

Recently we've hit 2 big milestones or perhaps 3...

1. The twins turned ONE!
2. We celebrated one year of being new parents of twins
3. We survived one year of the foster care system

One of my best friends, fellow blogger, and runner (Check her blog out Run Megan Run) suggested I post what I've learned in the last year.

Foster Care Thoughts...

• Everything takes longer than you are told or expect. If you are told 6 months, plan 12 - 18 months.
• Attend EVERY court hearing. Everyone in the system will tell you there's no need for you to be there but if you want to know what's going on in the case and be able to help the kids if it affects them, BE THERE! In Arizona, it is your right as a foster parent which leads me to the next...
• KNOW YOUR FOSTER PARENT RIGHTS! Here you go: Foster Parent Rights
• Nothing is final until the judge says so
• Everyone outside the system will think you are a saint, everyone in the system will think you are just a babysitter for the child.
• Your life and your schedule do not matter to CPS. You are superhuman and will figure out how to make it work. Just remember, your time and your life do matter - it is okay to say "no".
• Utilize your agency for their experience and advice. They are your ONLY advocate. 
• The term "supervised visit" is used extremely loosely. 
• The GAL (Child's lawyer) will call 1-4 days prior to court, be prepared.
• For every accident you will go through 2 freak outs.
• 1 - The normal mom reaction - OH MY GOD how did I let that happen? Is my child okay? What actually happened? How do I fix it? I just want to kiss it better, I sure hope my kisses are magical! Oh good, the crying is getting softer, we will survive.
• 2 - Did it leave a bump? Will it be gone before the visit on Wednesday? Does this constitute a significant incident and need to be reported?
• If your foster child lives with you for more than half the year or more than half their life, if they were born that year, you can claim them as a dependent on your tax return.

First Time Mom Thoughts...

• Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong, call the doctor. If you think everything is okay, move on.
• Accept help when offered. You are not a bad mom, you are a smart mom that recognizes when she needs a break. It's best for you, your child, and your spouse.
• You are still an individual, you are not defined by your role as a mom. Make time for yourself.
• EVERYONE will have advice, listen if you want otherwise refer to my first point.
• Get used to talking about poop. Color, consistency, frequency....
• The first 6 weeks are the roughest, you will make it through.
• Milestones are provided to make sure your kid isn't falling behind - they are not there for you to brag that your 3 month old is sitting on his or her own.
• Read, sing, talk, dance, and laugh with your child every.....single.....day.
• Baby giggles are the absolute best sound - it will never get old.

Twin Mom Thoughts...

• Everyone and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E has a twin story. Learn to listen or come up with a clever response.
• For the first 3 months, track their eating, pooping, and sleeping schedules. The doctors will ask and you will mix their schedules up. There are numerous apps for this - I missed the boat on this one.
• Don't assume because you have 2 babies, things take twice as long. Things actually take 3-4 times longer with 2 babies because while you are dressing one - the other is getting into a drawer, the trash, pulling off toilet paper, etc. Now you have a mess to attend to on top of getting out of the house.
• Attend free baby time at your local library. It gets you out of the house and gives the kids something different and kid friendly to do.
• Find a good consignment store, club, or organization. Clothes are expensive. Clothes times 2 are twice as expensive.
• Your house is going to be a mess, it's a full time job caring for twins - get over the mess. Accept help when offered.
• Enjoy and celebrate the differences between your children, they are individuals.

This has been a roller coaster ride over the last year, luckily I LOVE roller coasters. The kids are happy and healthy and I look forward to coming home every single day because the smile on their faces when I walk through the door is priceless. I am *that* mom and I am proud of it!

Life is moving....literally!

It's getting harder and harder not being able to post pictures of my cuties. The older they get the more fun I have with them and I want so badly to share their adorableness with everyone!!

The big event these past months is we now have moving babies! The beautiful multi-color baby gate is now in place! This was an expensive purchase but well worth it. All the panels come apart so you can make the section larger or smaller and you can make whatever shape you want!

Baby boy is fully crawling but for the longest time he would get into the crawling position, figure out how to move his legs but not his arms and ended up face planting. He tried so hard and everyone around him tried to help him and show him even Grandpa has got down on the ground and exaggerated crawling motions! Baby girl is army crawling and she's really good at it! She has no problem getting what she wants but most of the time she'll just roll around.

Baby girl also started clapping this month and we think she might be starting to sign milk to us!! We also think both babies are starting to wave bye and are starting to give high fives.

Since we live in Phoenix and temperatures are already in the triple digits, we took them into the pool for the first time and have also started swimming lessons. Baby girl took to it right away - she was falling/reaching into the water after toys (with Jon there to catch her of course) and splashing around. Baby boy was definitely not too fond of it at first but after about 5 minutes he loosened up and started having some fun reaching for toys and splashing. Our swim instructor is awesome and does an amazing job with getting the twins used to things!

Mother's day was amazing. Jon woke up with both babies and took them to the store while I got to sleep in. Then he planned a picnic, the whole family including Maggie walked to the park and had a nice picnic and some playtime. We also did a 5k with my mom and sister (who is also pregnant!!).

For Father's day the twins made Jon beer bottle labels for his homemade beer. If you don't know us well, my husband enjoy's home brewing and calls his home brewery "Family Man Brewing". I had each twin use their hand or footprint as the background for some labels for his newest batches. They turned out really cute - just wish I had better calligraphy skills. Sorry for the black sections - I had the kid's names on each one.















As for the case - we just had court and we will have the twins at least until the next court date which is early September. Not much has progressed or changed since the last date - the state is still working on family reunification.

Over 4th of July we are taking the twins camping for the first time - anyone have any advice on how to survive and have fun?!

MILESTONES:

• First time in the pool
• First Mother's day
• First Father's day
• Started swimming lessons
• First time playing in a box
• First hike
• Crawling (Baby boy)
• Army Crawling (Baby girl)
• Clapping (Baby girl)
• Fart noises with mouth (Baby boy) - hilarious!

Hard to believe...

It's already been half a year since the twins entered our lives and I already can't believe the impact they've had on us. I am definitely a different person today than I was 6 months ago, for example:

Baby girl recently started mimicking Jon and I. She's trying to vibrate her lips - it's the cutest thing! The other day I was driving in the car with her and I might have cut across traffic in order to get into the left hand turn lane. Apparently the woman behind me didn't like this and laid on her horn and I'm not just talking a quick "Hey, I was here but guess you didn't see me" but a "HEY LADY I'M HERE AND I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT WE ARE BOTH STOPPING - THIS IS MY LANE!" sort of honk. After we turn left, she passes me and then glares at me in her side mirror to which I start saying "You are stupid and ugly anyway, calm down and get a life" amongst a couple of other things I'm not proud of. I park and get out and pull baby girl out of the car and realize - this little girl has started mimicking me, maybe I should start behaving correctly ALL the time instead of most of the time. My road rage days are over, I don't want this little girl suddenly telling people they are ugly and stupid!

It's been awhile since I updated so let me start with a quick run through of the last month and a half so you can see why it's taken me so long.

1. Baby boy got an infection & we ended up at urgent care 
2. Attend court hearing (nothing new to update)
3. Baby girl has eye specialist appointment
4. I get sick 
5. Baby girl goes to the doctor for breathing issues
6. My birthday celebrations (I finally got a jogging stroller!!)
7. Baby boy gets sick, sees doctor, we end up in the emergency room
1. At the same time, Jon is with baby girl at her dermatologist follow up
8. Jon and I attend the foster care review board
9. Day trip to Yuma with the kids to help my parents move (Yay for Grandma being closer!)
10. Home visit with case worker
11. Jon and I attend a wedding
12. Baby boy gets an eye infection
13. 6 month check ups
14. WIC appointment

For almost a month and a half we always had someone sick in our house, someone was always staying home from daycare or work - it was rough. FINALLY, we are all better - let's cross our fingers it's for longer than a day as baby boy's eye just cleared up this morning :)

Despite all the sickness in our house, we have had an overall really fun month with the twins. Every month they get a little more active, a little more giggly, and a lot bigger! I love seeing them smile when they recognize me, laugh when I do something silly but I don't like trying to put a onesie on that fit the day before and now it's too small. 

MILESTONES:

• Started eating rice cereal from a spoon
• Baby girl started mimicking us
• First true scare for mom and dad
• Baby boy is very, very ticklish for me
• First game of peek-a-boo
• First Superbowl party
• First & Second trips to the Desert Botanical Gardens
• First valentine's day
• First run in the jogging stroller
• First trip to the park
• Baby girl is officially mobile - she will roll wherever she wants!
• Started baby sign language
• Both can hold their bottle completely independently

In a week we fly to Kansas for my cousin's wedding. I'm super nervous to fly with 2 babies so wish us lot's and lot's of luck!

One Step Forward

Last Thursday we found out we are finally getting a parent aide and will not longer have to work with the case aide. If you don't know why this is exciting refer back to my frustrations a couple months ago. Parent aides have a higher level of education than case aides and actually work with the birth parents on parenting skills. I'm just excited to have someone with education - hopefully she won't be biased towards the birth parents and won't ask ridiculously stupid questions.

For the first time since we've had the twins, both birth parents attended the 4 month doctor's appointment. Previously only birth mom had attended as birth dad has a job. This was also the first time I have been alone with the birth parents. I got to hear for 30 minutes how CPS stole their babies, they didn't do anything wrong, and now CPS is trying to make him lose his job so they can prove he doesn't deserve the kids back. I was extremely irritated because 1. I can't do anything to help them get their kids back so stop complaining to me and 2. I don't like liars and I'm pretty sure CPS doesn't just take kids for the hell of it. I will be requesting next time to have a nurse or doctor in the room at all times as I don't think that was fair to me.

The twins are healthy and happy. No concerns from the doctor, they are right on their growth charts in height and weight. It's always nice to hear that I'm doing a good job.

We took a resource parent tax training class and found out we can actually claim the twins on our taxes! I realize I'm an accountant but you should know that I am NOT a tax accountant. I can research topics but I really don't like to as tax code is very dry so it was nice to be able to take a class and know our rights as far as claiming them as dependents. 

Last week we had our first CFT (Child & Family Team) meeting. Typically birth parents, foster parents, foster children, CPS case worker, and the GAL (Children's lawyer) attend these meetings and everyone discusses how the child is doing and if anything needs to be changed. The idea is to get everyone on the same page. Want to know how ours went?

Birth mom brought up a concern that Jon and I are not communicating with her enough via e-mail or phone. She gets concerned if the babies are sick on Thursday at her visit and she can't see them again until Tuesday. The case worker agreed that we should try to have more contact with her via a new e-mail that's just for her to use to protect ourselves. I felt attacked. Honestly I don't have a lot of time to be e-mailing her all the time and when I do have time, it really isn't my top priority. In case she doesn't know - I work full time, so does Jon. When we come home we feed her babies, read to her babies, bathe them and put them to bed. Then at 8pm we decide to cook ourselves dinner, eat, and head to bed because we never know if we'll be up in the middle of the night taking care of her babies. When I have a free moment I'm typically paying bills, cleaning the house, or trying to get a quick minute of relaxation in. Apparently that's not acceptable so now we have to update her via e-mail. 

As much as I complain, they aren't the worst people in the world. Birth mom did offer to let us visit the kids after they are reunified to help with the transition. I hate talking about it but it is a possibility and as much as I hate to admit it, that really is a very nice gesture. Whether or not it is valid, it is an impressive thing to offer. 

This weekend we took the twins to a music and dancing program at the library which was lead by our good friend Jennifer. She is amazing and baby boy LOVED it. He is a music boy and Jon had a good time making driving noises with him. Baby girl also enjoyed it and had quite a bit of fun putting the music toys in her mouth (Sorry Jenn!). 

MILESTONES:

• Baby girl can roll over from her back to her stomach and does so very frequently!
• Baby boy has started pushing buttons on toys
• Baby girl really giggles if you find the right spot
• Baby boy sleeps through the night 90% of the time!
• Attended their first half marathon as spectators
• Jon dressed baby girl in matching colors to me and baby boy matched him - I really wish I could post pictures as they are adorable!
• Baby boy loves standing (with assistance of course)
• Baby girl got her first ultrasound (no issues)
• Baby girl got her first bandaid
• First juice: Pear juice!
• Both babies have started teething
• Graduated from the bathroom sink to the bathtub!

4 Months Old & Loving Life

Great news! We finally heard from our new case worker. We met him in person and he's been pretty responsive to my e-mails along with e-mails from counselors, our agency, etc. It's nice to know some CPS workers take their job seriously. However, the bad news is it appears we are sort of starting over with the case plan for birth parents. The birth parents stated the prior worker didn't explain what they were supposed to be doing so the new caseworker explained it and now we just wait and see what happens. I just don't understand how it wasn't documented that the case plan was discussed or that they had to sign something. Why do we just start over with a new worker? Anyway the next hearing is January 30th so hopefully I'll have a better update then.

This month hasn't been as difficult as others. I'm not sure why but the twins seem to be in a routine and everyday something new is developing. It's fun to see how they change and find new things interesting everyday. A new habit of baby girl's is to throw a little tantrum while being burped which is mildly irritating however during Christmas she'd stop crying when she saw the Christmas tree lights. Then she'd just sit there and stare in awe - it was amusing. Baby boy has really start laughing but only when you take or put on his clothes. It's such a cute little giggle that I just want to change his clothes all day long. He also seems to only want to perform for one parent at a time because if I'm changing him and he's giggling, Jon will come running from the other room to hear but if baby boy sees Jon, the laughing disappears. Such interesting little personalities are forming!

We attended our agency's holiday party which was really fun. They throw a big event with catered food, a DJ and dancing for the kids, hot chocolate bar, arts and crafts, Santa, and a present room where each foster child gets to pick a Christmas present. It was a lot of fun to see some of the people from our classes and see their children.

Our daycare is amazing. They gave the kids Christmas pajama's from Santa, books, clothes, stockings, and gave us ornaments from the kids. We were overwhelmed with the amount of gifts the babies received from everyone!

This month I also booked our tickets to Kansas for my cousin's wedding in March. I got approval from CPS to take them with us!! Booking a flight with a lap child and twins is very difficult! Then I started thinking about hotels and rental cars and car seats and cribs and all the items babies require! Basically airlines can't charge for car seats or strollers so we will probably check the car seats. I'm not sure if we are bringing the stroller or not yet. However, pack n play's cost the price of checked luggage which is quite expensive for twins. So I started calling around to hotels and some have cribs available but some only allow 1 crib per room. RIDICULOUS! Luckily my parents and sister are all going so I may have them reserve a crib to one of their rooms too. They don't come with sheets though so that's another thing I'll have to pack. Traveling with babies is very difficult! I'm excited to take a 4 generation picture with my grandma though!!

MILESTONES:

• First Christmas
• Baby girl can roll over from her stomach to her back
• Baby girl is pushing buttons on her mirror toy
• Baby boy is giggling when he's being changed
• Both babies are grasping toys
• First New Years (neither baby made it to midnight nor did Grandma!)

Baby Girl's first new years resolution is to stop throwing tantrum's while being burped and realize it's for her own good.

Baby Boy's first new years resolution is to start sleeping through the night!

Anyone have any advice on flying with a 6 month old?

1/4 of a year old

We still have the twins and the birth parents finally stopped contesting CPS dependency (I didn't make it to this hearing). Now our case will finally move out of the investigative stage and move into an on-going phase. This also means we get a new case worker. Our case has been transitioning to a new worker for over 3 weeks now...I'm still waiting to hear from someone.

Before our case worker switched the file she gave me an update and then asked me if we were interested in adopting the twins to which I replied "Yes, of course!". I was flying high the rest of our conversation until she so nonchalantly said at the end "Oh, and there are some out of state relatives interested in adopting them too." That crashed my hopes pretty quickly so now I'm back to taking one day at a time.

This month has been more difficult for me with the supervised visits. Right now there are 2 visits a week and both parents can attend together. It seems like I either get a note or a verbal complaint/concern after every visit. On top of that the twins come home fussy and starving after the majority of their visits even though I'm always told they "just ate before we left". The most recent note complained about FIVE different things. One of the items birth mom knew that I had already addressed because I sent a note telling her I had already gone to the doctor for it. Another concern of hers is that the babies smell and she wants to know how often I bathe them. As far as I've been told I shouldn't bathe them everyday because it'll dry out their skin and according to the doctor it's not necessary to bathe them everyday because they aren't crawling or walking anyway. Birth mom again told me to take both babies to the doctor for her concerns (I should start a tally). Since the two major things in her note I had already addressed with the doctor the day before, I'm not going back until the next scheduled appointment.

Dealing with birth mom's notes is one thing but its even more frustrating because the case aide seems to support birth mom's accusations. On top of that, she's very uneducated about babies which seems odd since her entire job is to transport children and supervise visits. She asked the daycare why the babies always sleep on their backs and she asked me why baby boy was losing some of his hair.

As much as I get frustrated, everything just melts away when I hold one of them in my arms. This morning baby boy woke at 4am and after he finished his bottle he just cuddled with me - there is nothing like cuddling with a tiny baby in his cute little footy, fleece pajamas. Those are the moments that make me keep fighting.

MILESTONES:

• First Thanksgiving
• First road trip (to Yuma for Thanksgiving!)
• Baby Boy has started hitting his giraffe toy that hangs in his carseat
• Both babies can sit in the Bumbo chair unassisted
• Baby Girl can roll onto her side
• Both babies can lift their heads when on tummy time
• Baby Girl is on the verge of laughing
• First weekend alone with Mommy (Jon was in Chicago for a death in the family)
• First weekend alone with Daddy (I was running a half marathon in Las Vegas)

We made it to the 2nd Month!

Things in the Lyons household have been just as busy and crazy as ever in the last month!

The big news of the last month is that I attended the parents court hearing where they were contesting if CPS had probable cause to take their kids or not. We don't have to attend court but it is open to the foster parents. We learned in PS MAPPS (Yes - some things have proven to be beneficial!) that the best way to get information on your case is to go to court. If it was determined that CPS didn't have probable cause the kids would go home the very same day which also happened to be the day before they could start daycare. I am glad I went because I learned tons of information on this case! Needless to say, we still have the twins. It was determined that CPS did have probable cause but perhaps CPS didn't try hard enough to place the twins with relatives. So for the past month we've just been waiting as it's possible they could be placed with grandparents, siblings, etc. at anytime.

The second biggest news of the past month is the excitement of starting daycare! We no longer have to depend on family to help us every single day. (A HUGE thank you to all those that helped us survive the first 5 weeks AND more or less still let us make it to work) Within about 9 days of starting daycare baby boy caught a cold. Of course he caught it while Jon and I were on our first getaway and we had family watching them (Thanks Lisa, Ryan, & Kris).

We have also been to the doctor twice in the last month. The first time was for baby girl as she had been throwing her food up for a day and had a bad diaper rash. We also took her because we got a note from birth mom telling us how bad the diaper rash was and that we should be using diaper rash cream (we had been) and that birth mom was very concerned about baby girl. The doctor determined it was just a GI bug and as long as she was staying hydrated, he wasn't too concerned. The second visit was due to another note from birth mom along with a call from the CPS case aide telling us that baby boy was fighting to breath and I needed to take him to the doctor right away. I won't get into how angry I was at this phone call but basically my thought was if he's fighting to breath then maybe you should take him to the ER because by the time I get an appointment, he'll be dead. Needless to say, I'm a rule follower and I took baby boy to the doctor that same day. Birth mom never showed even though she had the same amount of notice I did. The doctor confirmed baby boy had a head cold and there wasn't much we could do for him as long as he was still eating.

MILESTONES:

• The very exciting milestone of this month is we are getting smiles from both babies and not just gas smiles, real smiles in response to our smiles! 
• They are both able to hold their heads on their own now (most of the time)
• Baby girl likes when Jon plays with her bottom lip
• We've also hit some milestones with Miss Maggie as she has started giving the babies lot's of kisses. Baby girl has decided she likes Miss Maggie's kisses and proceeds to open her mouth for some french kisses! Baby boy does not like Miss Maggie's kisses and turns his head away which only makes Maggie try harder!
• First 5k
• First time at the zoo
• First sleepover at Grandma Shantz's house
• First Halloween

For their first Halloween we dressed them up as Thing 1 and Thing 2 as would only be appropriate given our baby room theme and the fact that we have twins. Sorry I can't share all the adorable pictures but here's what their outfits looked like!

Month 2 is behind us....let's see what month 3 has in store for us!

First Time (Foster) Parents

I don't even know where to begin on this whirlwind of emotions in the last month. Going into the foster care process I knew it'd be emotional but I thought it'd be emotional only when the kids went home but I was wrong, very wrong. It's emotional the entire way through this very confusing and unorganized system so I guess I'll just start chronologically and see where the pen, or rather, keys take us.

Saturday, September 7th: The phone rings, its a number I didn't recognize, so I assume its a call from CPS about a possible placement, but we have received 3 calls before that didn't match our preference, so I wasn't getting my hopes up. The caller explained they were looking for a home for 2 day old twins, one boy and one girl. Jon didn't hear the phone call but was getting excited as he watched my face light up. We weren't originally planning on two newborns, but we figured that meant twice as much fun so we gladly accepted. I don't remember feeling nervous or scared or anything but excited when I was sitting in the NICU waiting for CPS. The NICU nurse found out we were first time foster parents AND first time parents so she gave us a baby 101 course. She went over temperatures, feedings, diaper changes, and umbilical cord care and then walked us downstairs, loaded the babies into the car with some minor complications and sent us on our way. Jon drove like an old man the whole way home - he was even driving UNDER the speed limit. I was highly entertained. By far the best part of the evening was telling the family and seeing or hearing everyone's reactions to not just one baby but TWO!

Week 1: I took the entire week off of work except forwarding e-mails as appropriate. Monday we had the twins first doctor's appointment. Both babies had jaundice but otherwise they are healthy babies. We were told to give them some sun time by the window each day to help with the jaundice. Wednesday morning I got a call from CPS telling me that the children would be going home today to Birth Dad. I was devastated and called Jon at work, he immediately came home. We didn't realize just how attached you could get in 4 days! Within an hour of the first call, we got a 2nd call from CPS saying nevermind, a mistake was made and they'd be staying with us if we wanted otherwise they'd find another foster home. Silly question - of course we'll keep them! Wednesday afternoon I went to WIC and signed up for formula assistance - I was very glad I did after that first trip to the store when I realized 1 week of formula is about $80 for the twins! During the days I spent time feeding the babies and sunbathing with the them in front of the window. The nurse also told us it was never too early to read, start tummy time, or sing to them so everyday I proceeded to have sing-a-long time with them and tummy time. Tummy time was also good for Maggie as she could sniff them. Baby boy seems to enjoy my singing a little more than his sister. Neither one does too much on tummy time yet. Thursday we had a follow up doctor's appointment and baby boy was cleared of his jaundice and his weight was above birth weight. Baby girl still had jaundice and wasn't gaining weight. We were having some issues getting her to eat a whole lot. We tried a new formula and a new type of nipple at the end of the week and she seems to be eating more.

Week 2: After a couple of days on the new formula, we noticed baby girl started having some constipation so we ended up at the doctor's on Monday morning. He suggested switching to another formula or trying Karo syrup. Baby girl's jaundice is finally down and she is above birth weight so both babies are cleared until their 1 month appointment! My mom stayed home this week so I could return to work. She added Karo syrup to baby girl's bottle a couple of times but it didn't help very much so we switched formulas again. Jon thinks they should sell a sample pack of all the different formulas so we don't have to buy a whole can just to realize they don't like a formula and need to try another one. The new formula seemed to fix things and baby boy had started to show problems so we switched him too. They are both eating well and seem to enjoy tummy time. My mom took them on daily walks with the dog and my sister! 

We are beginning to notice how much more they move their arms and legs on tummy time and we are excited that the nasty umbilical cords fell off and we can take real baths now! And by real baths - I mean the bathroom sink versus a sponge bath.

Week 3: The kids Guardian Ad Litem (their lawyer) called to see how things were going. This is how we found out that birth parents had court on Tuesday, the outcome being birth parents were given 2 supervised visits a week each (as they aren't together anymore) for a total of 4 visits a week. We were less than thrilled. The worst part is we learned this on Tuesday and immediately had their first visit on Wednesday, second and third on Thursday, and fourth on Friday. It's a lot of work to get the kids ready to go because we have to provide the formula, the bottles, the diapers, the wipes, etc. Our agency also told us to not send anything we cared about in case we didn't get it back, luckily that's not been an issue! We were also informed that the court has allowed the parents to attend medical visits. Super bummed! We didn't have any interest in meeting the birth parents and never realized it was possible that we wouldn't have a choice. We both met birth dad this week, he was nice to both of us and thanked us for taking good care of his kids. This was frustrating for me because I wanted to dislike him but on the surface he nice enough.

Week 4: The twins are becoming more active now and are up for a couple of hours at a time, day and night. Baby girl really enjoys tummy time while baby boy just enjoys looking around and playing with brightly colored rattles. I love holding them when they are awake because they seem to just look very deeply into your eyes - it's an unexplainable feeling, Jon says its like they are looking into our souls. This week we had our 1 month appointment and it was the first time Jon and I met birth mom. To me she seemed like a know-it-all but overall she was alright. The doctor told us what a great job we were doing with caring for the twins and that he doesn't have any concerns as they are growing as he would expect/hope.

The past month has been extremely busy but I can't imagine my life any other way. Sure, the nights are rough when a baby is crying and I realize I was just up an hour ago with the other one but when they open their eyes and interact with you, it makes all those long nights disappear. However, I don't think it makes all the diapers disappear, both Jon and I could do without those especially since we've both been peed on multiple times and Jon's even been pooped on!

I'm hoping to keep the blog updated more frequently now that we are on a "schedule". Feel free to ask questions and we'll answer as best we can but the majority of their situation is confidential. The twins are foster children and although we would love to adopt, right now the case plan is reunification with the birth parents.

We finally filled the shoes!

OFFICIALLY Certified Foster Parents

We PASSED! The state has looked into our home life, our dog, our finances, our upbringing, our marriage, our criminal history and found nothing too concerning. So it's official! We are finally licensed foster/adoption parents!!! The news came last Thursday, August 29th. 

On Friday morning I called our licensing agent and discussed preferences and placement lists. We decided to accept children ages 0-3 as long as one is under the age of 1. After numerous other questions, we also decided to be placed on the immediate placement list so literally a call could come at any time. That's exactly what our agency said to us and she wasn't lying.

Friday around 3pm, I received our first placement call. I knew it was a placement call before I answered the phone, I'm not sure why but I just knew. I'm glad I did because CPS does not do anything to help you determine if this is the child for your family or not. This is how the phone call went: 

     CPS: "Hi my name is ____ from Child Protective Services. I have a 1 year old boy that I was wondering if you could take."
     Tina: ............. (attempting to remember our classes and what they told us to ask)........"Ummm do you know why they are being removed from the home?"
     CPS: "Yes, ___________ on his younger, 5 month old brother; his 4 year old brother has already been placed"
     Tina: (Quickly doing the math on a 1 year old and a 5 month old....doesn't really add up) "Is he exactly 1 year old or is he younger or older? What ethnicity is he? Where is the 5 month old?" (I caught on quickly, CPS knows a lot but they try to tell you nothing)
     CPS: "He's a little over a year, he was born on March 8th"
     Tina: (Confused because I'm pretty sure that means he's almost 18 months which is very different than a 1 year old) "We are going to have to decline, he isn't within our preferences."
     CPS: "Okay, thank you for your time."

We had heard CPS was typically pushy and didn't like when you declined but this guy wasn't upset at all, he was very polite which is what I would hope. The excitement of Friday didn't end there. At 9pm that evening Jon received our 2nd placement call. It went very similar to the first except this CPS agent didn't have hardly any information. We also realized at this point that our preferences must not be in the system because we again turned the children down due to not meeting our preferences. Jon asked the CPS agent if our preferences were in there and she said no so she updated them. Since that call, we haven't heard anything. The excitement of the calls and being licensed have really made the next 2 days difficult because now we feel mentally ready but nothing has happened. Every time Jon's phone rings, we both get that little bolt of adrenaline/excitement. 

We will definitely update once we accept our first placement but until then I wanted to remind everyone of some rules we have to follow regarding confidentiality.

1. You won't see pictures on this blog, or on Facebook or Instagram, with any identifying details (i.e. no faces). Once we have adopted the children pictures are fair game!
2. This also means that you cannot take pictures of our children either. I know it'll be hard, but remember these are someone else's kid's until we adopt and we can't have pictures floating around due to confidentiality. Again, once the adoption is finalized, start snapping away!
3. Close family and friends will know the children and their names because they will be attending events with us, however please refrain from using their names in the online world due to confidentiality. 
4. Please do not ask us why the children came into our care. If it is necessary for you to know, you will know but otherwise just treat them like any other niece, nephew, grandchild, or kid.
5. We will be unable to post specifics about the case or court details. Major decisions can be posted in a general overview but all the details are kept confidential to protect the children. Details of their cases are their own to share, as they see fit (and when they can talk).

We look forward to sharing the next steps of our journey with everyone! Please keep us in your thoughts while we await our life changing phone call!