1 year wiser

Recently we've hit 2 big milestones or perhaps 3...

1. The twins turned ONE!
2. We celebrated one year of being new parents of twins
3. We survived one year of the foster care system

One of my best friends, fellow blogger, and runner (Check her blog out Run Megan Run) suggested I post what I've learned in the last year.

Foster Care Thoughts...

• Everything takes longer than you are told or expect. If you are told 6 months, plan 12 - 18 months.
• Attend EVERY court hearing. Everyone in the system will tell you there's no need for you to be there but if you want to know what's going on in the case and be able to help the kids if it affects them, BE THERE! In Arizona, it is your right as a foster parent which leads me to the next...
• KNOW YOUR FOSTER PARENT RIGHTS! Here you go: Foster Parent Rights
• Nothing is final until the judge says so
• Everyone outside the system will think you are a saint, everyone in the system will think you are just a babysitter for the child.
• Your life and your schedule do not matter to CPS. You are superhuman and will figure out how to make it work. Just remember, your time and your life do matter - it is okay to say "no".
• Utilize your agency for their experience and advice. They are your ONLY advocate. 
• The term "supervised visit" is used extremely loosely. 
• The GAL (Child's lawyer) will call 1-4 days prior to court, be prepared.
• For every accident you will go through 2 freak outs.
• 1 - The normal mom reaction - OH MY GOD how did I let that happen? Is my child okay? What actually happened? How do I fix it? I just want to kiss it better, I sure hope my kisses are magical! Oh good, the crying is getting softer, we will survive.
• 2 - Did it leave a bump? Will it be gone before the visit on Wednesday? Does this constitute a significant incident and need to be reported?
• If your foster child lives with you for more than half the year or more than half their life, if they were born that year, you can claim them as a dependent on your tax return.

First Time Mom Thoughts...

• Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong, call the doctor. If you think everything is okay, move on.
• Accept help when offered. You are not a bad mom, you are a smart mom that recognizes when she needs a break. It's best for you, your child, and your spouse.
• You are still an individual, you are not defined by your role as a mom. Make time for yourself.
• EVERYONE will have advice, listen if you want otherwise refer to my first point.
• Get used to talking about poop. Color, consistency, frequency....
• The first 6 weeks are the roughest, you will make it through.
• Milestones are provided to make sure your kid isn't falling behind - they are not there for you to brag that your 3 month old is sitting on his or her own.
• Read, sing, talk, dance, and laugh with your child every.....single.....day.
• Baby giggles are the absolute best sound - it will never get old.

Twin Mom Thoughts...

• Everyone and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E has a twin story. Learn to listen or come up with a clever response.
• For the first 3 months, track their eating, pooping, and sleeping schedules. The doctors will ask and you will mix their schedules up. There are numerous apps for this - I missed the boat on this one.
• Don't assume because you have 2 babies, things take twice as long. Things actually take 3-4 times longer with 2 babies because while you are dressing one - the other is getting into a drawer, the trash, pulling off toilet paper, etc. Now you have a mess to attend to on top of getting out of the house.
• Attend free baby time at your local library. It gets you out of the house and gives the kids something different and kid friendly to do.
• Find a good consignment store, club, or organization. Clothes are expensive. Clothes times 2 are twice as expensive.
• Your house is going to be a mess, it's a full time job caring for twins - get over the mess. Accept help when offered.
• Enjoy and celebrate the differences between your children, they are individuals.

This has been a roller coaster ride over the last year, luckily I LOVE roller coasters. The kids are happy and healthy and I look forward to coming home every single day because the smile on their faces when I walk through the door is priceless. I am *that* mom and I am proud of it!