Judge Rules: The foster parents are their "family"

I've been waiting for months to be able to write this update and now that it's here, I'm at a loss of words.

On August 13th, at 8:15 am I got a call from my husband. Not out of the normal so I didn't think anything of it. He asked me if I'd read my e-mail and I hadn't so I quickly opened it. I saw an e-mail from our lawyer that was the judge's ruling. I quickly flipped to the last page where the final ruling is made and read the following as tears flooded my eyes.

If I wasn't at work I would have squealed but instead I just kept saying how excited I was and we could finally move on and what a great judge we had through my tears of happiness. I was so excited and wanted to shout and scream to the world all the happiness that was in my heart. We are really going to get to stay a family! After I hung up with Jon, I just started mass texting family and friends. Honestly I have no idea how many text messages I sent and how many phone calls I received, my phone was buzzing all morning. I ran around the office telling coworkers. I was useless at work while I responded to text messages and answered phone calls - which just left me in tears of happiness over and over again and I received texts full of emotions of excitement from our family and friends.

I was so excited that I have to share this story of just how high on happiness I was. One of my employees went to the urgent care about an hour after I found out the news. Five minutes after talking to my employee, another coworker asks me if everything is all right. I respond very brightly "Yes, everything is fantastic!". She asks me about my employee stating she overheard that she wasn't feeling good. Oops - in 5 minutes I had already forgotten about my employee and was back in my own head celebrating our family. My coworker hadn't heard the news yet so once I explained to her, she understood. 

The judge took 6 days to rule. He was allowed 60 and he took 6. We'd heard over and over what a great judge he is but that proves it for me. He knew how important it was to make this decision and allow the kids to gain permanency and move on with their lives. After months of delays - he finally made the difficult decision. By difficult, I mean it's difficult in the eyes of the court system. He was presented with two equally fit families that want to adopt these beautiful children. This situation doesn't present itself often in the DES system. Sad I know but all too true, in fact they more often see kid's that have no permanency option and my kids had 2! To the judge, that's amazing and awful. Amazing because these kids will be loved either way but awful because who would want to make that decision?

His ruling severed birth mom's rights in the first sentence of the minutes. The next 3 pages discuss placement of the children and it was very well written.

He continues...

Although I already knew we were their family, it was nice of the state of Arizona to catch up.

Every other blog I read about foster care talks about the loss that occurs when permanency is decided. Every other blog talks about how the foster mom feels for the birth mom because of her loss once severance occurs. I didn't have any of those emotions when I heard the news. Maybe I'm heartless. Maybe I'm an awful person. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I had already given all my compassion to her and this was my family's moment. I think I'll go with the latter. In my mind, this allows me to move forward with my family, now the unknown won't threaten us and give us frustration and anger. Now when my kid's ask about their birth mom, I can talk in a positive light because I know my kids are safe.

The day after the news I spent my time writing lists of all the things Jon and I had said at one time or another "that's something we'll need to decide on once we adopt". Well now's the time!

• First Names
• Middle Names
• College savings accounts
• Make a will
• Adoption party planning! (Clear your calendar when we have a date - this is going to be a big party!)
• Adoption photo shoot
• Life Insurance changes
• Jon's full family photos
• Tina's full family photos

What else am I missing? I know there's more but most of it I can't start on until everything is finalized. 

You might be thinking, what are the next steps? Well we happened to ask our lawyer that exact question.

1. Wait 15 days for the appeal time. If an appeal is file, this will delay things at least a month.
2. After the appeal time is over or the appeal is lost, the kids will be free for adoption
3. File adoption paperwork
4. Adoption hearing in 2-3 months

The most important sentence of the lawyers e-mail "It should be done before 2016!"

That would make our year!

We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

Expect the unexpected

I've sat through numerous court hearings and heard countless numbers of excuses and seen chance after chance be given while my children sit on the sidelines left unrepresented. I expected nothing less at the hearing this past Friday and chance after chance was afforded to birth parents, however I got a little bit of an unexpected twist. 

The Good
This hearing was just supposed to be a report and review, basically just a check in however birth dad did not show up. I don't think I explained this earlier because I didn't think it would be relevant in our case but now I must explain. Once the birth parents are served with the severance paperwork they MUST attend every court hearing from that point forward otherwise the state can sever their parental rights that day, no trial, no appeal, just sever and done instantly. As I said earlier, birth dad did not attend for the first time ever and yes, the state severed his parental rights. It was surreal. As of January 9, 2015, my children only have one daddy in their lives. 

The Bad
That all happened after birth mom's hearing. She was there and is definitely contesting the severance. The first trial date the court presented for severance was March 4 however her lawyer conveniently had something on the calendar that day and then proceeded to have something on her calendar for the next 5 days suggested which somehow pushed us to JULY! The judge had to ask this lawyer the next day she was available which pushed us another month.....so the severance trial is set for July 9th. That's 6 months away! After the trial, the judge has 30-60 days to make a decision. Don't worry, I'm an accountant and I'll do the math for you, that puts us at September 9th.....this is two years and two days past the day they came into our lives which also means the kids will be 2 years old. So yes, these kids will probably not be adopted into their forever home in 2015. Anger commence.

The maternal uncle is also still in the mix. We believe birth mom's lawyer is stalling the severance in order to give the interstate paperwork more time to process so the maternal uncle can adopt the kids.

I left court in a mix of emotions, I was crying yet in disbelief, smiling yet frustrated, excited yet angry. Up and down, but I like to think we just took 5 steps forward and only 2 step back.

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes as we continue our way through this process, we still have another 8+ months to go.

Up and down, around and around

Last time I updated I stated the case plan had been changed to severance. Don't worry, it's still listed as severance, however at our previous review hearing birth mom was back on track. Her lawyer requested if she's still on track at the next hearing, they switch the case plan back to reunification. I was extremely surprised and completely devastated. After 13 months of on track, off track, on track, off track I was surprised the judge responded that we would consider it at the next hearing. How many tries does one get to be a parent? The next hearing isn't until early January so we get to enjoy the holiday's with our kids. At this same hearing, I found out the maternal uncle would be visiting over Thanksgiving. Again surprise and complete devastation. Mind you this is only 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and the first I've heard of this visit. We didn't hear anything about the visit until Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

The maternal uncle, his wife, their kids, and birth mom's sister all visited with the twins for a couple hours the Friday after Thanksgiving. Jon had to work so I met them with the case manager. Baby boy had a hard time letting go of me and was constantly crying and reaching for me when other people took him. Baby girl was okay for a bit and then randomly would reach for me or walk back to me. I stayed for 30 minutes until I felt like the kids started to relax. There was no way I was leaving my kids when they looked scared and worried, I don't care if I should have left earlier, my kids needed me. My mom helped entertain me while the kids had their visit and Jon was off work by the time we needed to pick them up. We walked into the McDonald's and baby girl ran to Jon all excited and baby boy ran to me. It was a nice feeling because I'm bonded to them but it's always nice to know they are bonded with us.

The maternal uncle and his wife are very nice and no red flags came up. He seems to have a good job and is a good dad to his other kids. This was comforting for myself and Jon. We definitely want to make these kids a permanent part of our family but if they have to go somewhere else, we are comforted to feel that they would be well taken care of. The case manager constantly tries to reassure me and Jon that the case still has quite a ways to go and that interstate adoptions are very difficult but none of that means anything to us until we have those final papers in our hand.

Leaving the legal case behind.....our "babies" are no longer babies, we officially have toddlers. Both kids are walking, getting into everything, and just overall curious about life. On the weekends we take them to the library for babytime and to the park to run around and go down the slides and swing on the swings. Baby boy is all boy, he loves to be outside and play with stick's, balls, and point at airplanes. He also says ball to anything round. Baby girl is very smart, she understands instructions like "go get the ball" or "say bye" or "Is baby girl happy?" to which she replies by clapping her hands!

The Struggle Continues

It's been awhile since I've given the legal update on the case mainly because there hadn't been much movement until recently. About a month ago the case plan changed from reunification to severance. What that means is CPS has acknowledged they have tried to work towards family reunification but it no longer seems possible so in the best interest of the children they'd like to sever the birth parents rights and find a permanent home for the children. 

The process to terminate birth parents rights can take 6-8ish months. Here's how it works: A month ago, the judge acknowledged the change in the case plan. After that the birth parents lawyers serve the birth parents with the notice to sever rights. A week ago the birth parents had court where they were able to state if they agree or contest the severance. Our birth parents contested. In early November we have a review hearing. Then the case will go through 2-3 days of trial where they will call the parent aides, CPS worker, GAL, doctors, daycare workers, etc. to the stand if needed. After that, the judge has a specific number of days to make a decision. And just like all other cases in our judicial system, the birth parents can appeal that decision. So then it'll go through the appeals process. After that, the decision is final. It is very frustrating that after a year, we still have another 6+ months to go but at the same time I need to count the positives and although we still have awhile, this is the very first positive for us since this case has started. Please keep our children in your thoughts and prayers that the best outcome for them is chosen.

It's hard not to get frustrated at the system but I always have to step back and think about it from the judge's point of view. The judge only hears this case every 60ish days and then she only hears what the lawyers tell her which is about 15% of what is actually going on. Then she has to dig through all the nonsense of the lawyers to figure out the accurate details. Based on that data, she has to make a decision that will affect these children's lives forever. My dad read an article that compared severing a birth parents rights to the death penalty due to the permanent nature of the decision. Once parental rights are severed, that's it. That parent can never be involved with their child again unless a foster or adoptive parent chooses to keep them involved. It's final, the end of that family. If I was the judge, I'd want to be 110% positive I was making the right decision. But that's hard to see from my side sometimes because from my view of the world, the kids are already home.

Supervised visits with the birth parents will continue up until the severance. It does not matter what the parents are doing on their visits, they will always legally have the right to see their children as long as their parental rights are in tact. Our visits are twice a week and have been going okay. The kids eat extremely unhealthy and come home starving but overall, they are okay. Recently our case received a new parent aide, the person who supervises the visit. I was less than thrilled to get a new one because our last 2 had been incompetent. This one however is amazing! She considers our schedule, tells us that the kids ate "snacks" for dinner and will need to be fed before bed, and just overall is in her job for the right reasons. I should find out who her boss is and give her a compliment because she makes the visits a little less painful for us. 

Tonight was the first visit at 5pm - 7pm. the kids typically go to bed at 7:30 so a visit that ends at 7 means they don't get home until almost 8. We were not thrilled but to accommodate birth dad's work schedule, they asked we try to make this work. (Don't ask why the kids schedule isn't taken into consideration.....I get blank stares when I ask that.) So onto tonight's visit, I knew it was going to be rough so I decided to take advantage of the fact that I didn't have to pick them up at daycare and left work early to go hiking. I figured it would help relax me and put me in the right mood for dealing with cranky kids. I was right, the hike was amazing, the view of Phoenix was amazing, the sunset was beautiful - I came home in a great mood. The kids came home, as expected, hungry, tired, and cranky. According to our spectacular parent aide, the kids ate teddy graham's and french fries for dinner and lucky them, they got to wash it down with soda. Apparently the parent aide suggested water or milk numerous times but the birth parents insisted on soda. We all know that 13 month old's need soda to survive. On top of it all, she gave them hair cuts. Yes, I know I was complaining that they needed haircuts and I was mad I couldn't be trusted to get them done but I was surprisingly very emotional that it had finally happened. I kept myself composed around the parent aide and composed while I fed the children chicken, rice, and applesauce but after they went to bed (45 minutes past bedtime), I lost it. In my head, these are MY children. I raised them. I am the one who loses sleep when they wake up at 3am. I am the one who takes off work to hold them while they are sick. I am the one who chases them around the house on hands and knees saying "I'm going to get you". I am the one trying to feed them healthy food, teach them lessons and help them become awesome, self sufficient little people. But I didn't get to take them for their first haircut. I know it's such a silly thing and I know I didn't want a lock of their hair but somehow I'm devastated that I missed out on their first haircut. These are the things I never thought about when we decided to be foster parents and these are the things I never thought would crush me but tonight I am hurting. 

You only get 1 first birthday so make it a good one!

Our twins just had their first birthday and of course we had to throw them their first birthday party! In a couple of books I read, it said to keep it small, don't overwhelm baby. Just a couple of people baby knows really well, that's all you need. Welllll I couldn't figure out how to cut our guest list so 50 people were invited! About 40 showed up and because our kids are all-stars, they did absolutely amazing!

I wanted to make it feel like a kid's party versus our normal adult parties so I made some decorations:

I also made beer labels for Jon's homemade beer - I posted those on a previous update Beer Labels. They were adorable on all the bottles! I also made a collage for each baby with a picture from each month. My sister made 4 cakes, yes I said 4! She made one small cake for each baby and one large cake for each baby. All of them in the shape of Mickey or Minnie heads. I would post a picture of their cuteness but they have their names on them.

The party was a lot of fun, the only downside was we had it set up outside due to the number of people invited and it was a little on the hot side. Most people just dealt with it and enjoyed the party.

The twins cake smash was priceless. Baby girl just kept stuffing more and more cake into her mouth. She was a happy girl, even licked the frosting off her fingers. Baby boy also very much enjoyed the cake but he was confused as to why so many people were watching him eat.

Definitely a memorable day!

1 year wiser

Recently we've hit 2 big milestones or perhaps 3...

1. The twins turned ONE!
2. We celebrated one year of being new parents of twins
3. We survived one year of the foster care system

One of my best friends, fellow blogger, and runner (Check her blog out Run Megan Run) suggested I post what I've learned in the last year.

Foster Care Thoughts...

• Everything takes longer than you are told or expect. If you are told 6 months, plan 12 - 18 months.
• Attend EVERY court hearing. Everyone in the system will tell you there's no need for you to be there but if you want to know what's going on in the case and be able to help the kids if it affects them, BE THERE! In Arizona, it is your right as a foster parent which leads me to the next...
• KNOW YOUR FOSTER PARENT RIGHTS! Here you go: Foster Parent Rights
• Nothing is final until the judge says so
• Everyone outside the system will think you are a saint, everyone in the system will think you are just a babysitter for the child.
• Your life and your schedule do not matter to CPS. You are superhuman and will figure out how to make it work. Just remember, your time and your life do matter - it is okay to say "no".
• Utilize your agency for their experience and advice. They are your ONLY advocate. 
• The term "supervised visit" is used extremely loosely. 
• The GAL (Child's lawyer) will call 1-4 days prior to court, be prepared.
• For every accident you will go through 2 freak outs.
• 1 - The normal mom reaction - OH MY GOD how did I let that happen? Is my child okay? What actually happened? How do I fix it? I just want to kiss it better, I sure hope my kisses are magical! Oh good, the crying is getting softer, we will survive.
• 2 - Did it leave a bump? Will it be gone before the visit on Wednesday? Does this constitute a significant incident and need to be reported?
• If your foster child lives with you for more than half the year or more than half their life, if they were born that year, you can claim them as a dependent on your tax return.

First Time Mom Thoughts...

• Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong, call the doctor. If you think everything is okay, move on.
• Accept help when offered. You are not a bad mom, you are a smart mom that recognizes when she needs a break. It's best for you, your child, and your spouse.
• You are still an individual, you are not defined by your role as a mom. Make time for yourself.
• EVERYONE will have advice, listen if you want otherwise refer to my first point.
• Get used to talking about poop. Color, consistency, frequency....
• The first 6 weeks are the roughest, you will make it through.
• Milestones are provided to make sure your kid isn't falling behind - they are not there for you to brag that your 3 month old is sitting on his or her own.
• Read, sing, talk, dance, and laugh with your child every.....single.....day.
• Baby giggles are the absolute best sound - it will never get old.

Twin Mom Thoughts...

• Everyone and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E has a twin story. Learn to listen or come up with a clever response.
• For the first 3 months, track their eating, pooping, and sleeping schedules. The doctors will ask and you will mix their schedules up. There are numerous apps for this - I missed the boat on this one.
• Don't assume because you have 2 babies, things take twice as long. Things actually take 3-4 times longer with 2 babies because while you are dressing one - the other is getting into a drawer, the trash, pulling off toilet paper, etc. Now you have a mess to attend to on top of getting out of the house.
• Attend free baby time at your local library. It gets you out of the house and gives the kids something different and kid friendly to do.
• Find a good consignment store, club, or organization. Clothes are expensive. Clothes times 2 are twice as expensive.
• Your house is going to be a mess, it's a full time job caring for twins - get over the mess. Accept help when offered.
• Enjoy and celebrate the differences between your children, they are individuals.

This has been a roller coaster ride over the last year, luckily I LOVE roller coasters. The kids are happy and healthy and I look forward to coming home every single day because the smile on their faces when I walk through the door is priceless. I am *that* mom and I am proud of it!

Haircuts and Foster Care System

This I believe will be my first official rant about the foster care system so I apologize, I am just completely in shock at the way things are handled. 

As the twins one year birthday is coming up, my husband and I have scheduled a photographer to take one year pictures of the twins about 2 weeks prior to their actual birthday. Since baby boy's hair is getting pretty long - I'm talking in his face, over his ears, every which direction long we thought it might be good to get him his first haircut prior to the pictures. You might be wondering why this is even warranting a post - it's just a haircut after all, right? Well....in the foster care system, haircuts are one of the things foster parents must seek approval on. This isn't just CPS approval, this is CPS actually getting birth parent approval. It may seem outrageous but there are a lot of cultures and heritages that have different beliefs about hair cutting. Fine, I get it. So being a good foster mom, I sent an e-mail to our case worker asking to get their haircut and explaining why I wanted to. Here was his response:

Yes, she did already tell me that it was a tradition to cut her boys hair on their one year birthday however I didn't realize 2 weeks would be a big deal. I also don't understand how this tradition is going to be kept this time around - is CPS going to give her special approval on her supervised visits to cut his hair? And what about baby girl, is she never going to get a haircut? That seems a little crazy to me. I'd also like to bring up the fact that on their last two visits she has fed them french fries, cake, and juice boxes. They are 11 months old, they don't need french fries and cake on a regular basis much less sugar loaded juice boxes. But no, I'm the crazy foster mom who wants to cut their hair so they look well taken care of. Watch out world - don't let this crazy woman watch your children - she might give them a haircut after a whole year!

Some day's as a foster mom are easier than others, today didn't start off very well.

Colorado Camping Craziness

About 2 months ago - I reached out and asked for some advice on Facebook about camping with little ones and got quite a bit of positive feedback:

So we booked our trip! My parents, sister, and brother-in-law also decided to join us and thank goodness they did! I knew it would be work to camp with twins that are crawling but I don't think Jon and I would have ate a single meal if it wasn't for my family.

We left Thursday morning right at nap time so the twins would sleep in the car. In Flagstaff, we picked up lunch and headed to Thorpe park to let the kids crawl around. They got to swing (at the park) for the first time - baby girl LOVED it. She was just giggling her little heart out which made me and "Grandma" giggle too. Since I can't post the cute swing picture, you get the cute doggie picture instead.

About 40 minutes from our end point, the twins started getting fussy. We were right around the 4 corners monument so we thought, why not? It was hot and there was a line but we got to the front, I stepped into Colorado, Jon stepped into Utah, I placed baby boy in New Mexico, and Jon placed baby girl in Arizona. LOVE the photo but again all you get is me.

We arrived at the KOA campsite, created a makeshift baby gate out of coolers and storage containers (our car didn't have enough room for the real gate, it was the only item left behind) and got to work setting up camp with my parents. Lisa and Ryan showed up about an hour later. Babies went to bed right on schedule and we stayed up talking with my family. The next morning I found out that baby boy didn't sleep so well but I must have been exhausted because I didn't hear a thing!

Friday morning baby boy was up early so I took him on a walk/run around the 1 mile lake on the property. GORGEOUS!

The kids got to try scrambled eggs for the first time and made a rather large mess but they had fun. They went down for a nap and we started getting ready for our trip to Mesa Verde. For Mesa Verde, Jon and I had the hiking backpacks and we rode the tram around and hiked through smaller ruins. I really wanted to try some of the larger preserved ruins but with having infants that still take naps and need to play to get energy out, it just wasn't a wise idea. Instead we headed back to camp, the kids napped in the car. Once at camp, we decided to go swimming - best idea yet! The kids had a blast floating around, splashing each other, and "jumping" in from the side. Later in the evening we watched some mediocre fireworks from the campground, but I guess you can't expect much from a small town like Cortez. The babies both went to bed at normal time but baby boy didn't sleep very well this night and ended up on the air mattress with me and Jon around 3am.

Saturday was an early morning. We had train tickets for the Durango to Silverton train tour and our train departed at 8am about 45 minutes from our campsite. When the train leaves the station and all the way through Durango, the conductor blows the whistle non-stop. Watching baby girl's reaction to this was priceless. She would stand up very straight and look around with a half scared half excited look on her face and then look at us for guidance on which emotion she should choose. Baby boy sat on my lap for the first 30 minutes just watching the scenery go by. It was a gorgeous train ride - highly recommend if you've never done this before! Although if you have infants, I also highly recommend a one way train ticket with a one way bus ticket. The all day train ride was a little much for the twins by the end of the day. We spent 7 total hours on the train! Sorry I had to cut the cuties out of the picture.

The twins slept the 45 minutes back to camp but then refused to go down for bedtime. It probably took us an hour to get them to bed and then they both woke up around 11pm screaming. This night was much colder than the other 2 so baby girl ended up in Jon's sleeping bag and baby boy was in mine. I have another cute picture of the kids cuddling with Jon - I want to show you so bad!

Sunday we woke up, Lisa and Ryan made breakfast burritos - the babies got to try potatoes for the first time. Baby boy loved them and couldn't get them in his mouth fast enough! Packing up was in my opinion our biggest downfall. We didn't properly plan packing up with nap time and didn't have the pack-n-plays available for naps so the twins were screaming on a blanket until my mom and sister picked them up and rocked them while the rest of us packed up.

All in all I had a fantastic time and would definitely go again but would definitely NOT go without the following tips:

1. Never ever camp with twins unless you have at least 2 adults to each infant unless you enjoy being sleep deprived and hangry all the time.
2. If you are taking a road trip to camp plan on adding an extra hour for every 3 hours of driving. The kids will need to get out and crawl around if you want to survive the remainder of your driving. We stopped at parks, restaurants, gift shops, and monuments to let them play.
3. Only plan 1 big activity each day as that is all you'll be able to get done anyway.
4. Attempt to keep the same nap schedule and bedtimes as they have at home.
5. Be prepared for cold weather at night. We double layered our kids in PJ's and fleece pajama's and they still woke up cold. We ended up co-sleeping in our sleeping bags (I swore I'd never do this as it scares me)
6. Bring a baby gate! We left ours at home because we didn't have room and were constantly having to run over to the babies because they would crawl off the blanket with toys and start sticking rocks in their mouths!
7. The babies will get messy and it's okay. Improvise with baths. We used small wash bins for sponge baths and then one day I just took them right into the shower with me!
8. Be flexible and have fun with them!

Life is moving....literally!

It's getting harder and harder not being able to post pictures of my cuties. The older they get the more fun I have with them and I want so badly to share their adorableness with everyone!!

The big event these past months is we now have moving babies! The beautiful multi-color baby gate is now in place! This was an expensive purchase but well worth it. All the panels come apart so you can make the section larger or smaller and you can make whatever shape you want!

Baby boy is fully crawling but for the longest time he would get into the crawling position, figure out how to move his legs but not his arms and ended up face planting. He tried so hard and everyone around him tried to help him and show him even Grandpa has got down on the ground and exaggerated crawling motions! Baby girl is army crawling and she's really good at it! She has no problem getting what she wants but most of the time she'll just roll around.

Baby girl also started clapping this month and we think she might be starting to sign milk to us!! We also think both babies are starting to wave bye and are starting to give high fives.

Since we live in Phoenix and temperatures are already in the triple digits, we took them into the pool for the first time and have also started swimming lessons. Baby girl took to it right away - she was falling/reaching into the water after toys (with Jon there to catch her of course) and splashing around. Baby boy was definitely not too fond of it at first but after about 5 minutes he loosened up and started having some fun reaching for toys and splashing. Our swim instructor is awesome and does an amazing job with getting the twins used to things!

Mother's day was amazing. Jon woke up with both babies and took them to the store while I got to sleep in. Then he planned a picnic, the whole family including Maggie walked to the park and had a nice picnic and some playtime. We also did a 5k with my mom and sister (who is also pregnant!!).

For Father's day the twins made Jon beer bottle labels for his homemade beer. If you don't know us well, my husband enjoy's home brewing and calls his home brewery "Family Man Brewing". I had each twin use their hand or footprint as the background for some labels for his newest batches. They turned out really cute - just wish I had better calligraphy skills. Sorry for the black sections - I had the kid's names on each one.















As for the case - we just had court and we will have the twins at least until the next court date which is early September. Not much has progressed or changed since the last date - the state is still working on family reunification.

Over 4th of July we are taking the twins camping for the first time - anyone have any advice on how to survive and have fun?!

MILESTONES:

• First time in the pool
• First Mother's day
• First Father's day
• Started swimming lessons
• First time playing in a box
• First hike
• Crawling (Baby boy)
• Army Crawling (Baby girl)
• Clapping (Baby girl)
• Fart noises with mouth (Baby boy) - hilarious!

One Step Forward

Last Thursday we found out we are finally getting a parent aide and will not longer have to work with the case aide. If you don't know why this is exciting refer back to my frustrations a couple months ago. Parent aides have a higher level of education than case aides and actually work with the birth parents on parenting skills. I'm just excited to have someone with education - hopefully she won't be biased towards the birth parents and won't ask ridiculously stupid questions.

For the first time since we've had the twins, both birth parents attended the 4 month doctor's appointment. Previously only birth mom had attended as birth dad has a job. This was also the first time I have been alone with the birth parents. I got to hear for 30 minutes how CPS stole their babies, they didn't do anything wrong, and now CPS is trying to make him lose his job so they can prove he doesn't deserve the kids back. I was extremely irritated because 1. I can't do anything to help them get their kids back so stop complaining to me and 2. I don't like liars and I'm pretty sure CPS doesn't just take kids for the hell of it. I will be requesting next time to have a nurse or doctor in the room at all times as I don't think that was fair to me.

The twins are healthy and happy. No concerns from the doctor, they are right on their growth charts in height and weight. It's always nice to hear that I'm doing a good job.

We took a resource parent tax training class and found out we can actually claim the twins on our taxes! I realize I'm an accountant but you should know that I am NOT a tax accountant. I can research topics but I really don't like to as tax code is very dry so it was nice to be able to take a class and know our rights as far as claiming them as dependents. 

Last week we had our first CFT (Child & Family Team) meeting. Typically birth parents, foster parents, foster children, CPS case worker, and the GAL (Children's lawyer) attend these meetings and everyone discusses how the child is doing and if anything needs to be changed. The idea is to get everyone on the same page. Want to know how ours went?

Birth mom brought up a concern that Jon and I are not communicating with her enough via e-mail or phone. She gets concerned if the babies are sick on Thursday at her visit and she can't see them again until Tuesday. The case worker agreed that we should try to have more contact with her via a new e-mail that's just for her to use to protect ourselves. I felt attacked. Honestly I don't have a lot of time to be e-mailing her all the time and when I do have time, it really isn't my top priority. In case she doesn't know - I work full time, so does Jon. When we come home we feed her babies, read to her babies, bathe them and put them to bed. Then at 8pm we decide to cook ourselves dinner, eat, and head to bed because we never know if we'll be up in the middle of the night taking care of her babies. When I have a free moment I'm typically paying bills, cleaning the house, or trying to get a quick minute of relaxation in. Apparently that's not acceptable so now we have to update her via e-mail. 

As much as I complain, they aren't the worst people in the world. Birth mom did offer to let us visit the kids after they are reunified to help with the transition. I hate talking about it but it is a possibility and as much as I hate to admit it, that really is a very nice gesture. Whether or not it is valid, it is an impressive thing to offer. 

This weekend we took the twins to a music and dancing program at the library which was lead by our good friend Jennifer. She is amazing and baby boy LOVED it. He is a music boy and Jon had a good time making driving noises with him. Baby girl also enjoyed it and had quite a bit of fun putting the music toys in her mouth (Sorry Jenn!). 

MILESTONES:

• Baby girl can roll over from her back to her stomach and does so very frequently!
• Baby boy has started pushing buttons on toys
• Baby girl really giggles if you find the right spot
• Baby boy sleeps through the night 90% of the time!
• Attended their first half marathon as spectators
• Jon dressed baby girl in matching colors to me and baby boy matched him - I really wish I could post pictures as they are adorable!
• Baby boy loves standing (with assistance of course)
• Baby girl got her first ultrasound (no issues)
• Baby girl got her first bandaid
• First juice: Pear juice!
• Both babies have started teething
• Graduated from the bathroom sink to the bathtub!

4 Months Old & Loving Life

Great news! We finally heard from our new case worker. We met him in person and he's been pretty responsive to my e-mails along with e-mails from counselors, our agency, etc. It's nice to know some CPS workers take their job seriously. However, the bad news is it appears we are sort of starting over with the case plan for birth parents. The birth parents stated the prior worker didn't explain what they were supposed to be doing so the new caseworker explained it and now we just wait and see what happens. I just don't understand how it wasn't documented that the case plan was discussed or that they had to sign something. Why do we just start over with a new worker? Anyway the next hearing is January 30th so hopefully I'll have a better update then.

This month hasn't been as difficult as others. I'm not sure why but the twins seem to be in a routine and everyday something new is developing. It's fun to see how they change and find new things interesting everyday. A new habit of baby girl's is to throw a little tantrum while being burped which is mildly irritating however during Christmas she'd stop crying when she saw the Christmas tree lights. Then she'd just sit there and stare in awe - it was amusing. Baby boy has really start laughing but only when you take or put on his clothes. It's such a cute little giggle that I just want to change his clothes all day long. He also seems to only want to perform for one parent at a time because if I'm changing him and he's giggling, Jon will come running from the other room to hear but if baby boy sees Jon, the laughing disappears. Such interesting little personalities are forming!

We attended our agency's holiday party which was really fun. They throw a big event with catered food, a DJ and dancing for the kids, hot chocolate bar, arts and crafts, Santa, and a present room where each foster child gets to pick a Christmas present. It was a lot of fun to see some of the people from our classes and see their children.

Our daycare is amazing. They gave the kids Christmas pajama's from Santa, books, clothes, stockings, and gave us ornaments from the kids. We were overwhelmed with the amount of gifts the babies received from everyone!

This month I also booked our tickets to Kansas for my cousin's wedding in March. I got approval from CPS to take them with us!! Booking a flight with a lap child and twins is very difficult! Then I started thinking about hotels and rental cars and car seats and cribs and all the items babies require! Basically airlines can't charge for car seats or strollers so we will probably check the car seats. I'm not sure if we are bringing the stroller or not yet. However, pack n play's cost the price of checked luggage which is quite expensive for twins. So I started calling around to hotels and some have cribs available but some only allow 1 crib per room. RIDICULOUS! Luckily my parents and sister are all going so I may have them reserve a crib to one of their rooms too. They don't come with sheets though so that's another thing I'll have to pack. Traveling with babies is very difficult! I'm excited to take a 4 generation picture with my grandma though!!

MILESTONES:

• First Christmas
• Baby girl can roll over from her stomach to her back
• Baby girl is pushing buttons on her mirror toy
• Baby boy is giggling when he's being changed
• Both babies are grasping toys
• First New Years (neither baby made it to midnight nor did Grandma!)

Baby Girl's first new years resolution is to stop throwing tantrum's while being burped and realize it's for her own good.

Baby Boy's first new years resolution is to start sleeping through the night!

Anyone have any advice on flying with a 6 month old?

1/4 of a year old

We still have the twins and the birth parents finally stopped contesting CPS dependency (I didn't make it to this hearing). Now our case will finally move out of the investigative stage and move into an on-going phase. This also means we get a new case worker. Our case has been transitioning to a new worker for over 3 weeks now...I'm still waiting to hear from someone.

Before our case worker switched the file she gave me an update and then asked me if we were interested in adopting the twins to which I replied "Yes, of course!". I was flying high the rest of our conversation until she so nonchalantly said at the end "Oh, and there are some out of state relatives interested in adopting them too." That crashed my hopes pretty quickly so now I'm back to taking one day at a time.

This month has been more difficult for me with the supervised visits. Right now there are 2 visits a week and both parents can attend together. It seems like I either get a note or a verbal complaint/concern after every visit. On top of that the twins come home fussy and starving after the majority of their visits even though I'm always told they "just ate before we left". The most recent note complained about FIVE different things. One of the items birth mom knew that I had already addressed because I sent a note telling her I had already gone to the doctor for it. Another concern of hers is that the babies smell and she wants to know how often I bathe them. As far as I've been told I shouldn't bathe them everyday because it'll dry out their skin and according to the doctor it's not necessary to bathe them everyday because they aren't crawling or walking anyway. Birth mom again told me to take both babies to the doctor for her concerns (I should start a tally). Since the two major things in her note I had already addressed with the doctor the day before, I'm not going back until the next scheduled appointment.

Dealing with birth mom's notes is one thing but its even more frustrating because the case aide seems to support birth mom's accusations. On top of that, she's very uneducated about babies which seems odd since her entire job is to transport children and supervise visits. She asked the daycare why the babies always sleep on their backs and she asked me why baby boy was losing some of his hair.

As much as I get frustrated, everything just melts away when I hold one of them in my arms. This morning baby boy woke at 4am and after he finished his bottle he just cuddled with me - there is nothing like cuddling with a tiny baby in his cute little footy, fleece pajamas. Those are the moments that make me keep fighting.

MILESTONES:

• First Thanksgiving
• First road trip (to Yuma for Thanksgiving!)
• Baby Boy has started hitting his giraffe toy that hangs in his carseat
• Both babies can sit in the Bumbo chair unassisted
• Baby Girl can roll onto her side
• Both babies can lift their heads when on tummy time
• Baby Girl is on the verge of laughing
• First weekend alone with Mommy (Jon was in Chicago for a death in the family)
• First weekend alone with Daddy (I was running a half marathon in Las Vegas)

We made it to the 2nd Month!

Things in the Lyons household have been just as busy and crazy as ever in the last month!

The big news of the last month is that I attended the parents court hearing where they were contesting if CPS had probable cause to take their kids or not. We don't have to attend court but it is open to the foster parents. We learned in PS MAPPS (Yes - some things have proven to be beneficial!) that the best way to get information on your case is to go to court. If it was determined that CPS didn't have probable cause the kids would go home the very same day which also happened to be the day before they could start daycare. I am glad I went because I learned tons of information on this case! Needless to say, we still have the twins. It was determined that CPS did have probable cause but perhaps CPS didn't try hard enough to place the twins with relatives. So for the past month we've just been waiting as it's possible they could be placed with grandparents, siblings, etc. at anytime.

The second biggest news of the past month is the excitement of starting daycare! We no longer have to depend on family to help us every single day. (A HUGE thank you to all those that helped us survive the first 5 weeks AND more or less still let us make it to work) Within about 9 days of starting daycare baby boy caught a cold. Of course he caught it while Jon and I were on our first getaway and we had family watching them (Thanks Lisa, Ryan, & Kris).

We have also been to the doctor twice in the last month. The first time was for baby girl as she had been throwing her food up for a day and had a bad diaper rash. We also took her because we got a note from birth mom telling us how bad the diaper rash was and that we should be using diaper rash cream (we had been) and that birth mom was very concerned about baby girl. The doctor determined it was just a GI bug and as long as she was staying hydrated, he wasn't too concerned. The second visit was due to another note from birth mom along with a call from the CPS case aide telling us that baby boy was fighting to breath and I needed to take him to the doctor right away. I won't get into how angry I was at this phone call but basically my thought was if he's fighting to breath then maybe you should take him to the ER because by the time I get an appointment, he'll be dead. Needless to say, I'm a rule follower and I took baby boy to the doctor that same day. Birth mom never showed even though she had the same amount of notice I did. The doctor confirmed baby boy had a head cold and there wasn't much we could do for him as long as he was still eating.

MILESTONES:

• The very exciting milestone of this month is we are getting smiles from both babies and not just gas smiles, real smiles in response to our smiles! 
• They are both able to hold their heads on their own now (most of the time)
• Baby girl likes when Jon plays with her bottom lip
• We've also hit some milestones with Miss Maggie as she has started giving the babies lot's of kisses. Baby girl has decided she likes Miss Maggie's kisses and proceeds to open her mouth for some french kisses! Baby boy does not like Miss Maggie's kisses and turns his head away which only makes Maggie try harder!
• First 5k
• First time at the zoo
• First sleepover at Grandma Shantz's house
• First Halloween

For their first Halloween we dressed them up as Thing 1 and Thing 2 as would only be appropriate given our baby room theme and the fact that we have twins. Sorry I can't share all the adorable pictures but here's what their outfits looked like!

Month 2 is behind us....let's see what month 3 has in store for us!

OFFICIALLY Certified Foster Parents

We PASSED! The state has looked into our home life, our dog, our finances, our upbringing, our marriage, our criminal history and found nothing too concerning. So it's official! We are finally licensed foster/adoption parents!!! The news came last Thursday, August 29th. 

On Friday morning I called our licensing agent and discussed preferences and placement lists. We decided to accept children ages 0-3 as long as one is under the age of 1. After numerous other questions, we also decided to be placed on the immediate placement list so literally a call could come at any time. That's exactly what our agency said to us and she wasn't lying.

Friday around 3pm, I received our first placement call. I knew it was a placement call before I answered the phone, I'm not sure why but I just knew. I'm glad I did because CPS does not do anything to help you determine if this is the child for your family or not. This is how the phone call went: 

     CPS: "Hi my name is ____ from Child Protective Services. I have a 1 year old boy that I was wondering if you could take."
     Tina: ............. (attempting to remember our classes and what they told us to ask)........"Ummm do you know why they are being removed from the home?"
     CPS: "Yes, ___________ on his younger, 5 month old brother; his 4 year old brother has already been placed"
     Tina: (Quickly doing the math on a 1 year old and a 5 month old....doesn't really add up) "Is he exactly 1 year old or is he younger or older? What ethnicity is he? Where is the 5 month old?" (I caught on quickly, CPS knows a lot but they try to tell you nothing)
     CPS: "He's a little over a year, he was born on March 8th"
     Tina: (Confused because I'm pretty sure that means he's almost 18 months which is very different than a 1 year old) "We are going to have to decline, he isn't within our preferences."
     CPS: "Okay, thank you for your time."

We had heard CPS was typically pushy and didn't like when you declined but this guy wasn't upset at all, he was very polite which is what I would hope. The excitement of Friday didn't end there. At 9pm that evening Jon received our 2nd placement call. It went very similar to the first except this CPS agent didn't have hardly any information. We also realized at this point that our preferences must not be in the system because we again turned the children down due to not meeting our preferences. Jon asked the CPS agent if our preferences were in there and she said no so she updated them. Since that call, we haven't heard anything. The excitement of the calls and being licensed have really made the next 2 days difficult because now we feel mentally ready but nothing has happened. Every time Jon's phone rings, we both get that little bolt of adrenaline/excitement. 

We will definitely update once we accept our first placement but until then I wanted to remind everyone of some rules we have to follow regarding confidentiality.

1. You won't see pictures on this blog, or on Facebook or Instagram, with any identifying details (i.e. no faces). Once we have adopted the children pictures are fair game!
2. This also means that you cannot take pictures of our children either. I know it'll be hard, but remember these are someone else's kid's until we adopt and we can't have pictures floating around due to confidentiality. Again, once the adoption is finalized, start snapping away!
3. Close family and friends will know the children and their names because they will be attending events with us, however please refrain from using their names in the online world due to confidentiality. 
4. Please do not ask us why the children came into our care. If it is necessary for you to know, you will know but otherwise just treat them like any other niece, nephew, grandchild, or kid.
5. We will be unable to post specifics about the case or court details. Major decisions can be posted in a general overview but all the details are kept confidential to protect the children. Details of their cases are their own to share, as they see fit (and when they can talk).

We look forward to sharing the next steps of our journey with everyone! Please keep us in your thoughts while we await our life changing phone call!

Medically Complex 3 of 3

This past Saturday we completed our last training class! 

We covered the ways to nurture and discipline a child with special needs. The majority of this was a repeat of PS MAPPS which was frustrating to sit through again.

The interesting part of this class was the talk about taking care of ourselves as foster parents. So far all the classes are concerned with the children and what's best for the child you are caring for so it was definitely different to talk about making sure we take care of ourselves and the grieving process we'll go through when a child reunites with a parent.

Here's our "Road to Good Self-Care"

• Give yourself permission to need something
• Keep it simple
• Don't compare yourself to others
• Plan the hardest part of your day ahead of time
• Join a parent support group
• Have down time every day
• Plan things to look forward to
• Accentuate the positive

As part of taking care of ourselves we discussed how to use respite care and what information we would need to provide them. 

And finally we discussed important milestones of children so we can hopefully be proactive about identifying a child that is behind and needs additional help.

After 15 more hours of training, we graduated!

License countdown: Somewhere between 8 to 23 days!

There probably won't be another update until we get fully licensed and then it'll be whenever the BIG day is. Keep us in your thoughts as our lives are about to drastically change!

Medically Complex 2 of 3

This week we discussed diagnosis, diseases & conditions. We discussed everything from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), to Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) to Substance Exposed Neonatal (SEN) and lots of others in between.

FAS causes mental and physical defects and is typically a chronic disease. The most interesting thing I learned about this is a physical defect of a child with FAS is a smooth philtrum. After learning this, it's hard not to look at adults for this symptom.

An infant with SEN is typically something the child can overcome and grow out of and doesn't leave physical defects. These children can have withdrawal symptoms beginning at 72 hours and can continue for up to 6 months. They are typically easily irritable and sensitive to light, sound, and smells. We learned different ways to help calm and sooth these infants such as speaking quietly and turning down lights.

These instructors are definitely interested in keeping us involved. This week we had a "Myth or Fact" worksheet to keep us awake. Here are a couple of the questions:

• You can catch poison ivy from someone who has it. 
• Myth or Fact
• It's easier for a couple to conceive if the man wears boxer shorts instead of briefs
• Myth or Fact
• Eating turkey causes drowsiness
• Myth or Fact
• Before modern pregnancy tests, if a rabbit injected with a woman's urine died, the woman was pregnant.
• Myth or Fact
• Your heart stops beating every time you sneeze.
• Myth or Fact
• Homemade chicken soup is good for a cold.
• Myth or Fact

Answers to come!

One more class and then we are set. I think one of the only things we have left to do is practice installing the car seat into our vehicles so we aren't frantically trying to figure it out on our way to pick up a child.

35 days or less until we are licensed!

Medically Complex 1 of 3

Yesterday we attended our first of three Medically Complex classes. We covered how quickly we should have an EPST ( Early and Periodic Screening, Diagnostic and treatment) Exam after accepting a placement along with proper medication administration and the different medical resources available to us as foster parents.

Some of it covered the same topics as Medication Administration but a review can't hurt when it comes to medical assistance. Our teachers for this course are much better than the original PS MAPPS course. They are much better at keeping us involved. Such as training us on properly removing gloves. We had to wear gloves, have chocolate syrup poured on them, smear it around, then properly remove them without getting any chocolate syrup on ourselves or the desks! Another way they kept us involved was with proper medication administration. Each group received 3 "prescription" bottles and had to identify the thing that was wrong with the prescription. Sometimes there was a peanut allergy listed on the label and then there were peanut M&Ms as "pills" in the bottle or the expiration date had passed, etc.

We also got out of this class earlier than any of our other classes so all and in all it wasn't too bad. Keep posted for next week's update!

42 days or less until we are licensed!

The Countdown Begins

Just wanted to give a quick update, we had some set backs with our license application. Nothing major, just getting forms updated by doctors which can take awhile because doctors are so busy.

However, we are finally done with the paperwork and our license application has officially been submitted as of July 31st!

In 45-60 30-45 days we will officially be licensed foster/adoption parents!

Technically 59 44 days today...