Playing in Payson

I think we've started a Lyons' family tradition - 4th of July camping! If you don't remember, we took the kids camping at 10 months old last year Colorado Camping Craziness. Luckily I took some pointers from last year and only went an hour and a half out of town - far enough to cool off a bit but close enough that we didn't go crazy in the car ride. Payson was the perfect break from life that our family needed.

Last time we went out of town the kids did not sleep well and they have pretty much outgrown their pack'n'plays. We weren't sure how the sleeping situation was going to work but realized the kids sleep on cots at daycare so why not try that? On Monday we found relatively cheap cots on Amazon so we ordered one in blue and one in pink. 

 
By Thursday we still didn't have the cots even though they were shipped using Amazon Prime.

Friday morning rolls around and still no cots. I'm feeding the kids when Jon walks out of the bedroom and tells me he knows what truck the cots are in and he's off to catch the postwoman. He returns about 15 minutes later with 2 cots in hand - success.

We pack the minivan and are on the road right on schedule - 9am! We get to Payson and pull into Houston Mesa campground a little after Lisa and Ryan. Our campground is perfect! It's down a dirt path and tucked in, surrounded by trees so you can't even see your neighbor! Baby Audrey is happily playing on a blanket and my kids each go over and say hi to her. It was adorable.

We were even more excited when we learned we were at one of the only campgrounds that allowed campfires - more success! Camp was quickly set up and we just let the kids wander around, play in the dirt, throw balls in the bushes - you know the normal outdoorsy kid things. 

Lisa & Audrey

Me with a s'more

That evening we helped the kids cooks s'mores - I have the most adorable picture of the two of them with their marshmallow roasters. Baby boy was more interested in cooking the marshmallow than eating it and baby girl was more interested in eating it than cooking it. 

After the kids went to bed, we made some adult beverages and had a ladder ball competition by the campfire. Jon and Ryan played first and Ryan won. Then Lisa and I played and I won. We had to determine a winner so Ryan and I played and I won. I was winner of the campsite! I'm awful at ladder ball but apparently in the dark when we are camping, I do really well!

Saturday we attempted to go on a hike but were stuck behind a Payson 4th of July Parade which consisted of golf carts decorated in red, white, and blue, American flags, and other 4th of July decorations. It was pretty comical - small towns are more excited about being in the parade than people watching it - I think the whole town was in the parade! After the delay, we finally arrived at the hiking spot. We got out of the minivan and at least 5 bee's flew straight into the car. I had Audrey in my arms, grabbed one of my children and ran. Lisa got out and ran too. We closed the minivan and proceeded to decide what to do. We were informed there were bees on the trail and as we stood there deciding what to do, Ryan got stung. That was the deciding factor, we were not hiking with bees especially since we have no idea if any of the kids have allergies. We sent Jon back to the minivan to drive it down the road and get the bee's out before we got in with the kids. He did a fantastic job, it only took 3 times of opening doors, throwing a child in and quickly closing the door before we got everyone in with no bees! Audrey might have sat on Jon's lap in the driver's seat during the shenanigans - she thought that was pretty exciting! 

That afternoon we hiked on a nature trail at the campground and then Lisa and I pushed 3 umbrella stroller's with all the kids in them around the campground for over an hour. It was the only way they would sleep as the tent was pretty hot during the day.

Sunday we took our time packing up, Jon took the kids to the airport that was close by since baby boy loves planes. Then we grabbed lunch at a delicious Mexican food restaurant before heading home. If you are ever in Payson try Sal & Teresa's Mexican Restaurant - it was well worth it. 

It was a fantastic weekend with family - a tradition worth keeping!

Lisa, Ryan, and Audrey

Me and my sister

Change in physical custody - denied

We would like to say thank you to everyone who thought about us today, prayed about us today, asked their family and friends that don't even know our family to pray and think about us today. There have been numerous tears over the amount of support and love we have received in the last 24 hours, it is absolutely amazing. In fact, we were so touched by the support we received that we wanted to share it with everyone - the purple states represent love, thoughts, and prayers that were received today. If I missed a state, please let me know!

Today didn't go as expected but then again, nothing in this case has. I expected 1 of 3 outcomes to occur today:

1. The judge would decide family is best and the kids would go to the maternal uncle today.
2. The judge would agree with the psychologist conclusions and leave the children in our care.
3. The judge would decide family is best but take the psychologist recommendations to transition the children slowly over the next 3-4 months.

More or less, #2 occurred. Long story short, the state rescinded their motion to move the kids but birth mom's lawyer still asked the kid's be moved asap. The judge denied that motion stating there was no reason to relocate the kids when the severance trail was right around the corner. He also stated he would have another trial regarding placement of the children pending the outcome of the severance trial. Partial win for the children.

What I definitely didn't expect was for the department to request  a continuance for birth mom's severance trial. Basically they thought there was more evidence they needed in addition to adding reasons to their basis for severance. They added something called 15 months in care which means the kids have been in care for so long there's no reason to continue working on reunification. The kid's lawyer objected to the continuance stating the kids need permanency. Unfortunately, the judge granted the state's motion and the severance trial was pushed to August 7th. The judge has 60 days to make a decision on the severance trial so now we are looking at early October. 

I'm not sure I've completely digested court today. Jon and I were ridiculed and degraded in court today. We were told that someone needs to remind us that we are just a "temporary" placement for these children and we have just "fallen in love with these cute children". I know that foster care is considered temporary but my definition of temporary is 1 year or less. I've been a mom for 22 months today. That's not temporary if you ask me so someone else screwed up, not me. Have I fallen in love with these cute children? The answer is obviously yes. I've fallen in love with them because I got up 4-6 times a night to feed them and then proceeded to go to work the next morning and somehow managed to work so hard I got promoted. I've fallen in love with them because I watched them learn to hold their bottles, roll over, learn to crawl, pull themselves up and start a wobbly walk. I've fallen in love with them because I've seen them progress from signing "milk", "more", and "please" to putting together 4 word sentences. They have taught me to remember the simple things in life - laughing, running, playing, and enjoying each other is simply enough to make you fall in love. I know I haven't completely digested everything as we left court, changed clothes and picked up our little ones as the minute we walked into that daycare I was distracted by my children's smiles and adorable runs to give me and Jon the biggest hugs. Someday's I wonder what I did to deserve to be dragged through this court process but the minute I see those children I wonder what I did right to be able to be loved so unconditionally by them. 

The battle is not over but we have definitely moved forward. We ask you continue to hold our family in your thoughts and prayers. 

We live court hearing to court hearing

Another court hearing has come and gone. This one was strictly for review of the best interest assessment to determine if the kids should move to Texas with their biological Uncle. The state had a month and a half to get the best interest assessment completed and they failed, they failed bad. The assessment is currently scheduled for June 24....scheduled as in not even completed by the court date but not even planned to complete until over a month after court.

Thursday two weeks prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We already had approval to go to Tucson that weekend for a friend's baby shower, I had requested approval 2 weeks prior. His visits get canceled that weekend.

Thursday prior to court I receive an e-mail from the state stating the uncle is in town for the weekend and will be having a visit all day Saturday and if all goes well, an overnight visit on Sunday. On Friday the kid's lawyer calls me for an update prior to court and I let her know about these visits, she is irritated and suggests I talk to our lawyer. I do. Visits are changed to 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday, and 4 hours on Monday.

Monday is court and by now Jon and I have determined that the uncle is going to request to take the kids home TODAY. We are 70% sure the judge is not going to approve this as she asked for the best interest assessment for a reason but that 30% chance that my kids will be leaving today is devastating and hard to comprehend. In court it is brought up that the uncle tried to visit two weeks ago but the foster parents suddenly had to go to Tucson so he didn't get his visits....do you know how hard it is to hear things turned around on you especially when you try so hard to follow the rules and not step on toes, and by nature plan in advance. What's the point in not stepping on toes if I am going to get thrown under a bus no matter what? On top of that they state the uncle's visits went phenomenal and they have videos to prove how much fun the kids had. I'm sorry but it's 4 hours, the kids are not going to freak out in 4 hours. They are used to visits, they know they are going home so why would they freak out? We talk to them about visits before they go, we tell them we are going to pick them up in a couple hours. They are as prepared as 1 1/2 year old's can be. On top of that I want to throw my phone at the birth mom's lawyer and say look at the videos that prove how much fun the kids have with us too....oh wait it'll take you 2 weeks to get through all the pictures and videos because we've been having that much fun since they were 4 days old....should I remind you they are happy, healthy toddlers because we provided a stable environment for them to learn and grow in? But I don't throw my phone because that would be petty and immature, instead I fight tears as people that have never met my kids argue about their future. 

The outcome of court was our lawyer offered to have us cover the best interest assessment in order to get it completed more timely. The next court date is July 7th to discuss the outcome of the best interest assessment. After that birth mom's severance trial on July 9th. So for now we breath, we play, and we run and we chase our little toddlers all over our house and we enjoy their love of life and cherish every single minute we get the honor of having them in our lives.

The rollercoaster continues

Last Wednesday I received an unexpected, very upsetting phone call from our newest case manager. She informed me that the interstate compact had been approved and the children's uncle was willing to come get the children this weekend. She stated CPS would be filing a change in physical custody so he could move the children prior to his 3 week work trip. I was devastated. I called the children's lawyer and told her what was going on and my concerns about this move.

• Baby girl got tubes put in her ears less than a week ago. Her follow up appointment is scheduled in another week to see if she can pass hearing exams. I requested the GAL (kid's lawyer) make sure the uncle gets her to an ENT doctor for a follow up in case they do move the kids this quickly.
• Baby girl had thrown up numerous times that day and we had not yet determined if it was related to the ear surgery or not.
• Uprooting the kids from everything they know in order to have the Uncle out of town for 3 weeks after they move to another state. In foster parent training you learn about the "honeymoon stage" when kids are disrupted. Basically the kids are angels in the beginning because they don't know what else to do. Once they realize the situation isn't changing, they start reacting to it. Right when they start reacting to it, the Uncle will be gone - who will help them through this transition?
• The uncle has shown little to no interest in the kids. He has visited with the children once for 2 hours in the last year and a half.

She was also disturbed by the the news and hadn't heard anything prior to my phone call. That night she e-mailed the Assistant Attorney General (The state's lawyer) stating that she would be objecting if they filed the change in physical custody. On Thursday it was filed. Scared the children would be leaving that weekend we called an impromptu party with our families to celebrate our children. Jon's parents were amazing and quickly threw together a dinner for both our families. 

By Thursday night I had heard the kids would not be leaving this weekend due to the objection from the GAL. This was good however they were having an urgent hearing sometime next week to decide if the kids should move. 

Jon and I reached out to family and friends asking for prayers as we were unsure what would happen in court. 

The response we received was absolutely breath taking. Everyone's prayers were heard, court went as well as we could have hoped. To begin with, the judge stated that it was completely inappropriate to try to move the kids so quickly and abruptly. The GAL requested a best interest assessment which the judge agreed to and is now court ordered. The main question the court has for a psychologist, simply put is which option is in the kids best interest-

A: To leave them in the current situation which is not family; but also the only situation they have known.
B:To disrupt the kids from their current and consistent situation; due to the belief that family (blood) is best.

The judge stated that she believes both families are most likely very loving and safe, and that it isn't a matter of which family is better, but which situation will allow the kids to thrive the most.

Basically the kids will stay in our care at least until the best interest assessment is done. So we can finally take a much needed deep breath and a short sigh of relief. Please continue to keep our kids in your thoughts and prayers. Again, thank you everyone for all of your support, it is uplifting to know how strong our family is and how many people love our little ones.

In super exciting news, baby girl has become extremely interested in the potty in the last 3 weeks. She regularly wants to sit on the potty, never did anything just sat and giggled on the potty. This past Sunday she came up to Jon and said "I potty". Jon rushed her to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. I ran in behind him and she actually went pee! We were at Aunt Becca's house and all the aunt's and uncles came running in to give her high fives! Then two days later she tells me she has to potty so I rush her to her potty and she goes poop! Again she got lot's of praise and high fives. We are so proud and lucky to have a little girl who seems to be potty training herself! We are going to keep encouraging her and we'll see where this goes!

Both kids are talking so much, everyday I feel like they say a new word to surprise me or they follow an instruction they hadn't previously understood. There is something about watching a child learn and put things together that is just pure. Every morning I look forward to the giggles and every evening I look forward to discovering what they learned about the world today that I learned many years ago but seem to have forgotten just how amazing it is.

Thank you for all your love and support throughout the past 19 months. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as the state hopefully comes to the conclusion that we already have, this is our family; blood or not; we are happy.

Stranger Danger

Birth mom has not had a visit with her kids since October. On Friday I had a missed call at 5:15pm from our new case worker. I have never met her and my first call from her states the kids are having a visit on Monday from 1-3pm. Her case aide will pick the children up and supervise the visit. 

You'd think I'd be used to this by now and be over it but I'm not. Don't you think you'd want to talk to the foster parents first before just setting up a visit? You are new on the case and have no idea what is going on, such as the kids nap at daycare from 12-2. So they are going to get picked up at 12:30ish, go on a visit for 2 hours, come back to daycare and not get a nap. Thank you CPS for making my daycare frustrated and angry. Thank you CPS for ruining any sort of schedule my kids had - any study you read says kids need structure in order to grow up healthy and happy. In fact, my foster parent training and guides provided by the state talk about providing structure in your foster home. Thank you CPS for most likely testing my patience tonight with my kids as they will be extremely tired and cranky and won't want to eat dinner and won't want to take baths because they are too tired to function. I'm already angry with all of that but I think I've kept my composure all weekend in order to continue providing that happy, healthy home to these beautiful children and then on Monday at 12:30pm I get a phone call from the case aide.

"Hi, my name is ___ and I'm picking up your foster kids today, can you tell me their names?" With all my heart I wanted to say yes, their names are Jane and John Doe because that's what that question deserves as an answer. She then continued with "Okay, thanks I think that's all I need" I responded stating she can just go into the Toddler Room and sign them out, the daycare girls are aware the kids have a visit today. She responds with "Toddler room? How old are the kids?" Again, I wanted to say oh they are 8 and 9.....they are in the TODDLER ROOM so somewhere between 1 and 3. How in your right mind is it your job to pick up a child, supervise the visit, and then return the child? You don't even know the child's name or their age? Do you have the appropriate carseat? Do you know they are twins so you actually need 2 carseats of the same kind? How as a parent am I supposed to feel comfortable with this woman going to my daycare, picking up my children, and supervising a visit when she can't even figure out their names.

As my kids are getting older, we are learning more and more about parenting and I'm starting to think about how baby girl says "hi" and waves to just about everyone she see's and meets. Very cute but at the same time, a little worrisome. In my head I start thinking about teaching her about strangers and how she is to never go anywhere with a stranger but then I remember that about every 6 months a new CPS stranger picks her up to take her to her visits. How am I supposed to explain that one? "Okay baby girl, you are never to go anywhere with a stranger because they might be dangerous. However, if a stranger comes to daycare to get you, that's okay, just ask for their CPS badge to make sure they are legit." Please tell me how to explain this situation to a toddler. Please tell me how to properly parent as a foster mom. 

I really need to find a foster to adopt parent support group so I can see how other foster mom's have dealt with all of this. Each day seems to be getting more and more difficult for us to handle as we realize we still have such a long journey that still could end childless. The kids are bonding more and more to us and our family everyday, I just don't know how to explain this to them so they are prepared in case they are sent somewhere else. How do you prepare a toddler for that? Where is their lawyer? Isn't she supposed to be fighting for them? For their stability? For their happiness?

I am ready to fight the system but I am not sure where to start. If anyone has any ideas or any contacts, please let me know. The Arizona CPS system is very messed up right now and it needs to change.

UPDATE (2/10/15):
When I picked up the kids from daycare yesterday evening I was told by the daycare that the case aide showed up without car seats. My daycare obviously did not let her take the kids so she left and returned with 2 car seats.....uninstalled. She did not know how to install the car seats in her vehicle and requested the daycare to assist her. They did, then she requested they assist her with properly securing the children in the car seats. I was livid to say the least when I was told this story. It is absolutely unacceptable for a Department of CHILD SAFETY employee whom transports children to not know how to install a car seat in her vehicle. I have already sent an e-mail complaint to my case manager along with her supervisor. I have also already obtained a formal grievance and plan to have one filed by the end of the day. I will also be taking a form to my daycare and requesting they file a grievance as well. I do not take my children's safety lightly and I wouldn't think the state would either. I let my agency know the situation and she agreed with how I was handling it but also stated this isn't the first time this has happened to her foster families. That just further made me want to fight the system - something is severely wrong in Arizona's foster care system.

Expect the unexpected

I've sat through numerous court hearings and heard countless numbers of excuses and seen chance after chance be given while my children sit on the sidelines left unrepresented. I expected nothing less at the hearing this past Friday and chance after chance was afforded to birth parents, however I got a little bit of an unexpected twist. 

The Good
This hearing was just supposed to be a report and review, basically just a check in however birth dad did not show up. I don't think I explained this earlier because I didn't think it would be relevant in our case but now I must explain. Once the birth parents are served with the severance paperwork they MUST attend every court hearing from that point forward otherwise the state can sever their parental rights that day, no trial, no appeal, just sever and done instantly. As I said earlier, birth dad did not attend for the first time ever and yes, the state severed his parental rights. It was surreal. As of January 9, 2015, my children only have one daddy in their lives. 

The Bad
That all happened after birth mom's hearing. She was there and is definitely contesting the severance. The first trial date the court presented for severance was March 4 however her lawyer conveniently had something on the calendar that day and then proceeded to have something on her calendar for the next 5 days suggested which somehow pushed us to JULY! The judge had to ask this lawyer the next day she was available which pushed us another month.....so the severance trial is set for July 9th. That's 6 months away! After the trial, the judge has 30-60 days to make a decision. Don't worry, I'm an accountant and I'll do the math for you, that puts us at September 9th.....this is two years and two days past the day they came into our lives which also means the kids will be 2 years old. So yes, these kids will probably not be adopted into their forever home in 2015. Anger commence.

The maternal uncle is also still in the mix. We believe birth mom's lawyer is stalling the severance in order to give the interstate paperwork more time to process so the maternal uncle can adopt the kids.

I left court in a mix of emotions, I was crying yet in disbelief, smiling yet frustrated, excited yet angry. Up and down, but I like to think we just took 5 steps forward and only 2 step back.

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes as we continue our way through this process, we still have another 8+ months to go.

Up and down, around and around

Last time I updated I stated the case plan had been changed to severance. Don't worry, it's still listed as severance, however at our previous review hearing birth mom was back on track. Her lawyer requested if she's still on track at the next hearing, they switch the case plan back to reunification. I was extremely surprised and completely devastated. After 13 months of on track, off track, on track, off track I was surprised the judge responded that we would consider it at the next hearing. How many tries does one get to be a parent? The next hearing isn't until early January so we get to enjoy the holiday's with our kids. At this same hearing, I found out the maternal uncle would be visiting over Thanksgiving. Again surprise and complete devastation. Mind you this is only 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and the first I've heard of this visit. We didn't hear anything about the visit until Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

The maternal uncle, his wife, their kids, and birth mom's sister all visited with the twins for a couple hours the Friday after Thanksgiving. Jon had to work so I met them with the case manager. Baby boy had a hard time letting go of me and was constantly crying and reaching for me when other people took him. Baby girl was okay for a bit and then randomly would reach for me or walk back to me. I stayed for 30 minutes until I felt like the kids started to relax. There was no way I was leaving my kids when they looked scared and worried, I don't care if I should have left earlier, my kids needed me. My mom helped entertain me while the kids had their visit and Jon was off work by the time we needed to pick them up. We walked into the McDonald's and baby girl ran to Jon all excited and baby boy ran to me. It was a nice feeling because I'm bonded to them but it's always nice to know they are bonded with us.

The maternal uncle and his wife are very nice and no red flags came up. He seems to have a good job and is a good dad to his other kids. This was comforting for myself and Jon. We definitely want to make these kids a permanent part of our family but if they have to go somewhere else, we are comforted to feel that they would be well taken care of. The case manager constantly tries to reassure me and Jon that the case still has quite a ways to go and that interstate adoptions are very difficult but none of that means anything to us until we have those final papers in our hand.

Leaving the legal case behind.....our "babies" are no longer babies, we officially have toddlers. Both kids are walking, getting into everything, and just overall curious about life. On the weekends we take them to the library for babytime and to the park to run around and go down the slides and swing on the swings. Baby boy is all boy, he loves to be outside and play with stick's, balls, and point at airplanes. He also says ball to anything round. Baby girl is very smart, she understands instructions like "go get the ball" or "say bye" or "Is baby girl happy?" to which she replies by clapping her hands!

A Must Read

Enough said: 8 Things Adoptive Parents Should Never Do