PS MAPP 5: Discipline

I had known this class would be on discipline for a few weeks now and was extremely eager to see what sort of ideas and resources they would provide on the topic of discipline. My interest probably stems from the fact that I hear frequently what a stubborn child I was and my parents had to get quite creative to figure out what would work for me. And by stubborn, I was that little girl that wouldn't finish her vegetables and would sit at the dining room table until bedtime in order to prove a point. I didn't do this just once, I did this numerous times throughout my childhood. Fortunately, I ended up losing against my parents because I LOVE vegetables now (Thanks Mom & Dad!).

Jon wasn't able to make this class due to some additional medical issues so I was on my own. The class started out with each parent receiving a one word description on their back. Then we partnered up and had to treat each other according to the word on their back without saying the word. Each parent had to guess what their word was. My partner was a Grandpa who is in the class for kinship. He began by telling me that I could get my point across without yelling or maybe I should try using my inside voice and talking quieter.  My first guess was "Loud Mouth" but they were all 1 word so I quickly guessed that my word was "loud". Then it was my turn. My partner had the word "tantrums" on his back. I explained to him how it was okay to get mad, angry, or frustrated but it was better to use your words than screaming. He quickly guessed temper tantrums and shortened it to just tantrums. Other words were bully, pregnant, runner, and promiscuous. The lesson learned was that everyone can be labeled and most of the time people don't like being labeled. The only difference with foster children is they typically come already labelled and it's our goal to help them work through it.

Punishment is a behavior designed to stop a behavior. Punishment implies the threat or use of power and/or fear to change inappropriate behavior.

Discipline is training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior. It is a teaching process through which the child learns to develop and maintain the self-control, self-reliance, self-esteem, and orderly conduct necessary to assume responsibilities, make daily living decisions and live according to accepted levels of social behavior.

As you can probably imagine, punishment is prohibited on foster children. As you probably didn't know, as a foster parent you are also prohibited from punishing your biological children in addition to being prohibited from punishing a child you have adopted. 

The remainder of the class was spent discussing 15 different discipline techniques.

1. Be a Role Model
• One of the most effective methods of learning is imitation.
2. Provide the Child with Time Out
• 1 minute for each year of the child's age; allows the child with the opportunity to take back control
3. Provide Positive Reinforcers and Privileges
• Immediate positve feedback; could be as simple as a hug or positive statement
4. Take Away Privileges
• The rule is 30 minutes on the Xbox but the child plays for an hour, take away the Xbox for a day.
5. Provide Natural and Logical Consequences
• If the child leaves their bike outside, it will probably get stolen. The child can do chores to earn money to buy a new bike.
6. Ignore the Behavior
• Sometimes children use behavior to gain control or get your attention; it is effective to ignore this behavior
7. Ensure the Restitution Occurs
• Practice doing things the right way
8. Hold Family Meetings
• Discuss what is happening and logical solutions
9. Develop Behavioral Charts
• Everytime the child asks for something without whining they get a sticker.
10. Grandma's Rule This for That
• If you clean your room then you can go play with your friends
11. Help the Child Understand Feelings
• Paraphrase or restate what was said. "I wish my mother could help me with my homework" could be restated as "You wish your mom were around to help you"
12. Replace Negative Time with Positive Time
• If a child is trying to take a toy from another child, redirect them towards a toy that isn't being played with
13. Provide Alternatives for Destructive Acting-Out Behaviors
• A child that likes to run away can be directed towards the track team.
14. Make a Plan for Change with the Child
• Help the child understand the need for change and then develop a goal together.
15. Make a Plan for Change with the Child and a Professional
• Be ready to reach out for help if needed

We had to come up with 3 child behaviors that would push our buttons and write each one on 3 separate post it's resulting in 9 total post it's. Then we walked around the classroom and hung each post it on a different discipline technique. The idea was to help us form a plan of action of different ways to handle different behaviors that push our buttons.

We played a lot of games in this class, this one was to demonstrate positive and negative reinforcement. Our last one was hot and cold game. Two volunteers were sent outside the classroom and then we hid 2 snickers bars. The first volunteer came in and when they got close to the snickers bar we said hotter but when they were far away we said colder. It took him a minute to find the candy bar. The second volunteer came in and we were instructed to tell him he was doing awful, he was stupid, he'd never find it, he might as well give up now, and anything else along those lines. It took him almost 3 minutes to find the candy bar! Proof that positive reinforcement is the better way to go.

Definitely the most interesting and the most helpful class by far! I truly think keeping your cool when a child is deliberately pushing your buttons has got be one of the most difficult things to do as a parent. The instructors also encouraged us to talk to other parents about the methods that worked with their children as each child is different and will respond to a different technique.

Do you have any experience with other creative, effective discipline ideas?